Tag Archives: Anime

So I talked, sue me.


So I actually started to write this little entry a couple of days ago but I stopped and decided to rewrite it. Why? Well maybe I was being paranoid about revealing a little too much to the world because to be honest it is a little heavy on what makes me tick. To be straight, I went and saw a counsellor aka not a psychiatrist but someone to talk to about problems (usually anything). This one was a free one at my university hired for students and well I guess they are there for students nervous about exam and university life. I went on suggest of a friend who was seeing one and after some initial hesitation I went. Why did I go? Well to be blunt and short and I don’t like my father and with how things were at home with my mother I thought I should patch up my relationship with him so I could live with him and take some financial pressure off my mother (all previous attempts to patch things up went horribly wrong).

Source: Danbooru under the "Orginal" tag

That was the original intention but really we talked about him quite sparely and instead we talked about me and what my relationship was with the world. Again blunt as possible and not bush beating as the original post had been the first big thing we talked about was me and women. If anyone has read previous blog entries they will know how well I work with them and if you haven’t I’ll say this, me and women don’t mix. Now to put on detail since I was young I’ve been shy. Now this is heavy shyness as I was the type who hid behind mother and wouldn’t come out even to the prospect of delicious candy and sweeties. In first school I was labelled “bookworm” as all I ever did was read in the corner and not talk to anyone, adding to this was when I got athletes foot and I was given the simple label “Athletes foot boy” so not only did avoid them I was scorned by them for having to put a powder on my foot, kids really can be cruel. This shyness even extended to high school and beyond, in register periods and lunch time periods and would have my head in a gaming magazine and my ears plugged by a CD player listening to whatever I found (might have been a nirvana CD?).

Damnt hose bullets look dumb as hell. Source: Danbooru

My shyness hasn’t gone away today as even in the last year of University I never gave out suggestions or ideas in lecture and seminars and instead whispered them to a friend to shout out, worse case of that was afterwards they said “Sam said it” and my face would flush in embarrassment from the attention despite it being a positive attention. Anyway bad experiences with women and this general shyness led to DISREGARD women or at least any positive relationship with them being friend or otherwise. To put a groundwork down I don’t hate women, I can find them attractive but no, I will be less inclined to talk to you if I can help it, no I do not want a goodbye hug and good lord if you show some cleavage I’ll be embarrassed for the both of us. This all leads on to me being a “gentleman” as my mother, loving as she is, raised me to be a gentleman. I will open doors, say please and thank you, let them pass through a door first, be generally thoughtful etc. That’s as far as it goes, If I’m forced to hug it’s like a fake hug where I don’t embrace I sort of pat you on the back with the rest of me far away from the women. Despite this I often averted my eyes when talking and even the counsellor noticed this and told me much to my surprise. This try to be a gentleman thing really got silly at one point where it went as far as this “I was walking home after a lecture and was far behind an attractive girl from my lecture group who was walking back to her car. Being behind her and staring forward I looked at her arse. In those tight jeans I have to say I couldn’t help but ‘admire’ -dat ass-. After I realised I was admiring it I got all SHAME THE SINNER on myself and basically told myself off for admiring an arse. That is pretty fucking weird.

Source: Imgur

I feel like I’m missing some details out and I guess I’ll get to them when I remember them. Uh to bring it up to scratch with general shyness, gentleman tendencies, bad experiences with women and terrible school life has made me dislike women for the most part. It’s been a while since I remember watching a TV seeing attractive female celebrity X on TV and thinking like most men would “Yes I’d hit that”. No I just scoff and change the channel to Dave. I think I mentioned before in the blog but when I was dating I was in SUPER SELF CONSCIOUS mode and it when as far as walking ten minutes away from home before walking back to triple check I looked okay to be out in public. Odd yes but that’s how it was. That was just one thing; the other was an apparent lack of emotion and NO THAT DOES NOT MEAN EMO KIDDY. This means when she asked me how I felt about certain things I could never answer, when I did it wasn’t how I felt it how I thought. Thinking and feeling are two obviously different things but hell if I could tell you how I felt. Often she would ask how I felt and I’d have to be stopped because I was saying what I thought and not felt. It got so bad that she gave me a “Wheel of Emotion” which is like a wheel of colour but you had feeling and emotions in it rather than yellow or red. Even with that wheel at hand I couldn’t pick  a feeling out and I was just sat there staring at the wheel before being told we only had 5 minutes left. Awkward eh?

Source: danbooru/whtever that doujin game of castlevania/touhou was

When talking to her about emotions and love and hate for women we tried to find out what I looked for in women and it boiled down to this. It wasn’t how they looked or personality. It was if they had the same interests, the few people I’ve ever been attracted to have all had quite a similar taste whether that be in interests, hobbies or even what we studied. I got close due to interest and after that simply went with that certain flow just because it seemed the done thing. Pretty darn silly eh?

Now I’ve lost where I was going so I’ll stop for now I guess. This isn’t everything I wanted to talk about so when I get things together again I’ll go in more detail. Perhaps answer questions asked because hey if I’m this open on the web and not IRL then I’ll pretty much answer anything. Heck lets talk a little more.

I think it’s good to read back on the stories I’ve done and the fact I didn’t cringe myself to death means they aren’t half bad. Self reflective yeah but it’s hard to create an Everyman when all you know is yourself and what you want yourself to be. Maybe I’ll do another story be it a extension of something already posted or something new entirely. OH WELL. Time to close up, have a sexy reward for getting to the end again. Later.

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

Source: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

Strike Witches 1946 Edtion

Source Danbooru

Short Story: Fake Eyes


Well I’m back again with another fan fiction story that I could make original if I just changed a name. I see to be having some sort of shift towards making romance story’s. Guess that’s a weird urge I have right now, must be the pangs of isolation and loneliness. WELP WHATEVER. I wrote this one in just 2 days and I’m happy for it to be this good in just that amount of time but of course me thinking its good is only my opinion on my own work so it means nothing to anyone. I’ll just stick in the music I was listening to at the time to help you get an idea of what was going through my head while writing as well as pictures of said character and of course I’ll have a sexy reward for the end since it super long. heck I’ll make it two.

-Fake Eyes-

“On behalf of the team I’d like to say welcome.”

“You mean I got it?”

“That you did, congratulations.”

“T-thank you sir.”

“No problem, let me introduce you to your co-workers.”

I couldn’t believe it myself but somehow I got a job at my universities financial office for students. Not only was it a confidence booster but it would look great on my CV and I was living in the moment. Right now I was being shown around the office, where I’d work and what my duties were and who I would be working with. While everything was interesting I was shown one thing that stood out compared to all of them and that was a tall beautiful girl going under the name Adolfine Galland, an odd name yes but the way your pronounced it didn’t set the same alarm bells as reading her name would. As far as I was told she was a recent addition to the team only joining a few months before me but she made it look like she had been there all her life. She effortlessly glided between cubicles and shelf’s picking up files, papers and clipboards making it look as easy as walking, heck you could call it a dance with the way she was so graceful at her job. I was pretty much gob smacked from the word go.

A, Galland. Artist: S Humikane

Fast forward a week and I had settled well in to the job, it wasn’t affecting my studies and I had plenty of time to socialise with my friends. However there was one problem, while I was talkative with everyone in the office I was far too nervous to say anything to Miss Galland, yes I did start calling her that. It was odd I sort of gave her a silent treatment, acting very upright and proper talking strictly business. As soon as she was out of ear & eye shot I collapsed wallowing in my own self pity thinking to myself ‘why on earth was I doing that? Act normal dammit’. It was not until about a month working there did I start noticing her acting a little strange. Sometimes I would peek out from over the cubical and catch glimpses of her staring in my direction at my cubical and when noticing I was looking she ducked down behind someone or something. At this point I was still kicking myself for acting the way I did around but now it was like a reflex, why would I act in such away in front of such a beautiful lady.

Now a month and two weeks into the job we at the office decided to go out to a bar after work since it was a bank holiday the next day and we all had the Friday off, long weekend fun for all of us. Everyone one of us was prepared to get plastered, well everyone expect Adolfine that is. Hearing her talk to another senior co-worker she said,

“I can’t have much, my flat is quite a distance away and I’ll need to walk back pretty early.”

The senior shot back, “Hey why not ask the new guy to stay at his flat? It’s just around the corner from the bar and I know he has extra sleeping stuff as he talks about having his friends stay over for drinking nights. You guys are friend right?”

Source: Pixiv

“No we aren’t, every time I talk to him he just talks business no friendly chit chat or anything he is like a rock to me. Unlike you guys he doesn’t relax near me, did I do something to annoy him?”

“I don’t think so, want me to ask if you can stay?”

“No that’s fine I-“

The senior wouldn’t take no for an answer and she moved down the line of workers to where I was, I feigned ignorance and pretended I didn’t hear them. “Hey hey, would you mind letting Adolfine stay at your flat tonight? She doesn’t have a place to stay if she wants to drink.”

Before I could open my mouth she picked the answer I perhaps wasn’t brave enough to say.

“You will! That’s great I’ll go tell her. You know you shouldn’t act so cold to her, I think it’s upsetting her.” With that she dashed off back to Adolfine with ‘my’ answer and frankly I was now a little bit flustered. I overheard them again despite knowing it was rude to do so.

“He said yes”

“He did?!”

“He did indeed, looks like you’re all set. Try to break the ice with him while we’re out, if he has had a bit to drink I’m sure he’ll be relaxed near you.”

“I guess so, might as well start now.” She gave an awkward laugh before moving down the line to walk next to me. “Hey there.”

I gave the reflex answer back, “Hello miss Galland.”

She gave a small forced laughed as if to say ‘He isn’t going to relax at all is he.’ Before trying again. “You don’t have to call me Miss Galland, we are out of the office just call me Adolfine.”

“Alright Miss Adolfine”

She didn’t even try to hide the sigh but carried on anyway. “Thanks for letting me stay around at such short notice, means I can relax a bit better tonight.”

“It is quite alright, we can’t let you miss out on the fun the other would have. It is not fair on you who work’s just as hard as everyone else.” That was perhaps the first time I remember complimenting her if you could call it that. She was taken by surprise at this.

“Oh thanks I didn’t expect that from you of all people to be honest.”

“Credit where credit is due.”

UNRELATED Source: Danbooru/Pixiv (I kid thee not)

She gave herself a slightly impressed smile, I guess I took her off guard. Right now we’d arrived at the first bar; a little placed called ‘Heroes’. The bar was a nice relaxed one with decent music that wasn’t over bearing; you could easily fall asleep when tired if it wasn’t for the conversations of patrons all around you. The first hour went by rather quickly as we drank our various different forms of the same poison.  She had gone for beer where I had gone for a cocktail, when being served together the barman thought the beer was mine and the cocktail hers so we had to swap them around each time we ordered. Eventually we started talking.

“So” she asked initiating the exclusive conversation between us “Where is your flat?”

“Take a left out of here and keep walking up the road till it turns left, don’t follow the road and keep going down the pedestrian path in front of you. Eventually when you hit road again cross it and you’ll be in front of the Andrew Halls, that’s my flat complex, I live in section 5, room 1. On a corner.”

Oddly she wasn’t happy with that answer. “Do you always talk so business like?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“FAH! I know you don’t. When around everyone else in the office you are talkative and friendly with a damn smile but when I get near you it’s all different, all business, all serious. Why is that!?”

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

“What is the matter? Do you dislike me? If you’ve got a problem just say so!”

“I can hardly dislike someone as beautiful as yourself!”

“Oh he can- Wait did just say that..?”

I had to regain composure and found an excuse to leave her company for others. “If you’ll excuse me” I said “I have to get another drink, I own Linda one.” With that I stood up and headed to the bar leaving her a little shocked and in awe.  I had to regain my own composure before I talked to her again so I decided to sit with the others. Someone piped up, “What’s wrong with Adolfine? Looks like someone dropped a bombshell on her.” I played dumb and kept out of it. I did inquire about her a bit while the conversation was about her. “What is she studying?” I asked innocently.

“Oh she’s doing a masters degree in mechanical engineering.”

I was truly gob smacked at this, “How old is she?”

Sometimes, pouting really gets though to me. Only sometimes...

Another co worker added in, “Ha Ha a lady never tells and you won’t win any women asking questions like that but I will tell you that she is 23 years of age.  Again my disbelief was at maximum and my jaw open giving someone the opportunity to say “Close that trap or a fly will buzz in.” Now I had to take this new information in, she was 3 years my senior but you couldn’t tell by looking at her, her youth and vibrance made her seem my own age but this would explain why she always seemed so mature and learned. I was at dead end in what to do. After coming off all business like and then give her an unexpected compliment after she though I disliked her was one thing but she was doing a master as well? I was out of my depth.

The night dragged on as our pub crawl went on through the night. We moved from bar to bar, pub to pub and eventually the younger members of the office, me and her included, moved on a club. This particular one was called ‘Sign’ and from what I could tell in my own intoxicated haze it was based in a former giant wine cellar is distillery. The music was loud and the bass rattled my frame but I didn’t care I was too busy dancing though the lights, lasers and fog to even think about what was playing so long as the bass line was addictive. Naturally this pace of energy couldn’t be kept up and I retired up the stairs to a quiet area and the sit down bar.

I placed myself at a stool on the far end away from the bar entrance ordering iced water to help me start an early recover to the inevitable headache I’d get in the morning. I’d been there a few minutes before I noticed Adolfine had taken a seat at the other far end. She was looking through her wallet with disgust, it looked like she had spent all her money and now couldn’t afford a drink. It felt right to help her out in this situation and asked the bar keep to give her what I was having, sure not the usual thing to do since it wasn’t wine but it would help her. I paid for the water and decided to vanish out of sight before she realised it was me. I did however underestimate the barman’s efficiency and before I had come to the conclusion of getting the hell out of dodge he had already delivered the drink to her and told her it was from me.

Kind of like this?

See turned to look in my direction but I had already turned my own head the other way in a pointless play of innocence that couldn’t fool anyone. After a while I turned my head slowly to see if she was still looking my way and I cursed under my breath as I noticed she still was. Now we were staring at each other from across the bar both of us a little red in the cheeks from the alcohol circling our veins. She gave a gentle smile and a little wave and I managed to send the same back before looking at my drink again. Suddenly the seat next to me was brought to life as she had moved to sit next to me.

“Hey” she said without a hint of slur in her voice “Thanks for the drink.”

“No problem, just looking out for your health.”

“Oh very like you, I guess I could expect something like this from you.”

“Sorry, should I order a wine or some shots instead?”

She laughed, “Ha ha no this is good, and it’s nearly 3 so it’s about time we went home anyway. The others have started to go home so it’s just us here now. Lets finish up and get back to your flat.”

“My flat? Oh oh yes of course you’re staying over how silly of me.”

“Did you forget?”

“No it’s just after this much to drink you tend to forget certain parcels of thought.”

“Very true spoken like a true student.”

We finished up and made our way back to my flat. We used each other to proper ourselves up as we walked down the quiet city centre road neither of us talking to each other but rather a silent communication of appreciation for the other as a stand to lean on. At the flat we took another glass of water each to drink before retiring to my room. Luckily I had cleaned recently and the room was as presentable as I could have hoped for. I grabbed a blanket off my bed as well a single pillow before laying them out and saying to her, “Gentlemen take the floor” and near collapsing.

She asked me, “Are you alright I’ll happily take-“

I cut her off, “Don’t make this hard because I can’t be arsed to get off the floor now okay?”

She chuckled slightly “Alright goodnight Mr Gentlemen”

“Goodnight Adolfine.”

“Goodnight.”

As I drifted off to sleep I felt between the haze of alcohol and the overwhelming temptation of slumber a small kiss on my cheek. I barely registered it but when I did I knew exactly what it was.

The next day we both roughly woke up at the same time, she arose with a yawn and a stretch while I rose with a groan, the floor was perhaps a bad idea. She enjoyed a bit more of a lie in while I went to grab some water to sooth the slight thump of a headache I had in my head. Before heading back to the bedroom I stopped in the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror and frankly I was in for a surprise. Upon my cheek where I’d felt the kiss I found a rather obvious lip stick mark. I couldn’t wipe it off and save her the embarrassment, I felt like being a little mean.

I walked into the bedroom after knocking the door. She was sat up in bed relaxing and watching the street outside the window. She noticed the lip stick quicker than I expected. “Don’t move.” She demanded of me. I froze on the spot as she clambered out of bed, I was soon greeted to another surprise. She wasn’t wearing any trousers and so it was just her in the shirt she wore the night before and her pants. She attacked my face with a cloth right where the kiss mark was not caring nor I guess realising she wasn’t decent.

“Uh uh…” I stuttered as the cloth went around my cheek.

“Sorry but there is something horrible on your face.”

“No not that, you aren’t d-decent.”

“I’m not what?” She paused and looked down realising what I was talking about and immediately jumped back in to the bed covers.

I straight away made an exit to the bathroom. Apologising profoundly as I went. She called out five minutes later saying it was okay for me to come out. She asked if she could use my shower, I said yes and so had to exit the ensuite bathroom. I went to the communal lounge area to sit down and collect myself. I’d seen and done more than I had ever planned to and I wasn’t sure how to proceed. My thoughts were a mix of, ‘why did she kiss and did it mean something?’ to ‘dear god I’ve seen her in her pants, she’s going to kill me. The door opened and the person on my mind came though. Now showered she was looking rather stunning and that was being rather polite if I wasn’t I’m not sure I could repeat what I’d say in public. On the other hand I was a wreck, a shadow of my former self something the cat had dragged in last night. I walked past her to use the shower myself and oddly she followed me right up to the bedroom.

“Uh I’m going to have a shower?”

“Okay enjoy yourself, I’ll be in here, mind if I use your PC?”

“Uh sure, just use the guest account, it’s not passworded.”

“Thank you, see you in a bit. Enjoy yourself.”

“Uh thanks?”

It was a difficult shower with her being only a wall away from my exposed self and the fact she was asking questions while I was showering. She must have enjoyed the serious mixed with awkwardness answers I gave her. As I clambered out the shower I realised something, I was missing a towel. She had used the one towel I kept next to the shower. The spare was in my chest of draws next to my underwear. I bit my lip and gave a quiet ‘ffffffffuck’ under my breath. I called out to her.

Source: Pixiv (All I can say is damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn)

“Miss Adolfine, could you please go to my chest of draws and open the bottom draw, on the right hand side there will be some towels. Could you come and pass one to me?”

“Sure sure just a second.”

As I heard the moving of draws and the rummaging of clothes I head a small laugh. “You have the scream painting on a pair of boxes?”

“Y-yes! Just pass me my towel and I guess the boxers as well.”

“Alright, alright here you go.”

She passed the towel and boxers though the small gap in the door and I began to dry up and get changed. After getting her to leave the bedroom I got changed and once again I was revived. Finally fresh and clean I invited Adolfine back in the room.

“Want to get some coffee?” I asked

“Sure I’d love some.”

We grabbed our coats and headed to the door. We went to a local coffee shop after hitting an ATM where we each order our preferred caffeine enriched drinks and a bit of breakfast, she offered to buy me breakfast as well which I refused till I couldn’t help but ask for a cheese and ham Panini and in my own defence it as just worth it for sleeping on a floor. We discussed a bit more about ourselves and I learnt quite bit about her. Numerous times we would look at each other and while I would turn my head with a slight blush she wouldn’t and gave a small laugh for my actions. Eventually we had to part ways and I would see her at work again.

At work there was quite the different atmosphere between us. Not only were we talking more regularly but I was being a little less formal and her slightly more forward. She complimented me several times a day and we often had lunch together. I returned those words with little surprise gifts like random cups of coffee when she looked tired or even a little message of encouragement for all her hard work. This lasted a couple of weeks and one day I gave a small flower but she never spoke to me for the rest of the day. I was quiet disheartened as I thought ‘maybe I’ve over stepped a boundary’.

A few days later it was her day off and I was told to take her some newly issued rules and help handbooks. After a little map work from my co workers I set off to find her flat on the campus grounds. I got lost a few times but I didn’t let it get me down, I could after all try to patch things up with her about the flower. I didn’t want to spoil a good friendship so quickly. I knocked on her door and waited.

A voice called out, “Just a sec I’ll be there.”

She answered her door in clothing I’d never seen before, a petit dark blue T-shirt and the oddest black pair of leggings I’d ever seen. They were skin tight put at the sides they had holes as if someone had stolen the pockets; easier enough to fit your hands in. Not that that though had crossed my mind I lied to myself mentally. She was surprised to me, “Oh hey I wasn’t expecting you of all people.”

I gave a small smile, “I’m here to pass on some stuff, and it isn’t work so I’m not running your day. Just some new rules and regulation books.”

“Oh thanks, would you like to come in?”

“Ah well um I guess so I do have the time as I’m finished for the day.”

“Good good come on let’s get you a drink.”

“Ah thanks.”

We sat down in her kitchen, for a university accommodation it was rather glamorous like a studio apartment and I was thoroughly impressed.

“So” I started knowing it was better for me to get it out the way. “I’m sorry about the flower I guess I over stepped a boundary and for that I apologise profoundly. I-” She cut me off,

“Stop”

“But”

“That flower, what does it mean?”

“It-it was a gift for a beautiful woman.”

“Do you think being called beautiful is an insult?”

“No madam”

“Well there you go. Ha ha you’re so cute when you aren’t being all proper.”

She grabbed my hand causing me to nearly flinch as my head shot up to look at her directly, “Hey what do I mean to you?” I could hear myself gasping for air, words anything really, I needed to do something. She leant in closer and asked again, “What do I mean to you?” I brought up my other hand and but it on her hand that she was holding me with. I started a slow speech.

“I…you…” I took a deep breath “You are someone who I want to be close to, you are someone I find more beautiful than natures splendour. I don’t exaggerate and you may find this not the most moving of speeches but it comes from my heart. I know you’re a lot older than but…”

I was cut off by her squeezing my hand rather tightly she was leant across the small table and so was as well much to my own surprise. I was red faced in embarrassment and she too was heavily blushing. We were leant in so much that our foreheads were touching and we were way too close to each other for just friends. Now we were grasping at each other’s hands. I was rubbing her fingers with my thumb as a sign of affection hoping that my actions spoke louder than words. She moved her head up so that we were now face to face, point blank.

We kissed. First a small few pecks before drawing away from each other and staring at the face of the one we were opening up to. Our faces were both heavily blushing and we both looked out of breath. My heart was overloaded with energy beating with such force it felt like force its way out of my body. We inched in closer and began to kiss again but soon found out the table between us rather quite in the way so we instinctively moved to a sofa for more intimate distance between us. Somehow I had her sitting on my lap and it wasn’t the romantic position ever, she was actually quite taller than me so even with me looking up and her looking down our lips couldn’t meet and I had a rather splendid view of her chest. We swapper places too much better affect and began again.

Soon after 20 minutes of kissing we broke off, each of us was heavily breathing gasping for air that our embrace didn’t allow. Though it was odd that I was on her lap we didn’t take heed to it and soon we began petting and kissing. Our hands found their way around each other. I placed my hands around her waist and rubbed my hands up and down it in a rhythmic fashion pleasing to the touch. Her own hands were on my hips holding me tightly to the spot. I was in pure bliss.

After what felt like an eternity we stopped and came to our senses. Our prolonged session had meant that now we were aware of our surroundings we both released we were very hungry. Thinking maybe we should tell the world of our newly found love we decided to go out the door hand in hand.

I thought this was going to be heaven.

I was hit by a car the next day.

The End

Well I hope you enjoyed that. No really I do because if you read this much and hatred it I’d be sad. Ah well

2X sexy reward for getting to the end.

Source: Danbooru/Pixiv/Twitter

Some Touhou fans are massive asses. Source: Danbooru


Phone


Well I guess I can call for a celebration because today is my one week anniversary and while what I write about may not be as structured as I’d want I feel that the fact I have do a blog post for everyday (aside that one day when I did a post earlier making it two in a day) OH WELL ITS TOO LATE I FAILED AT THAT IT NOW COUNTS AS TOMORROWS POST I am being committed to it. Hurray. This must be what it’s like to get married. Hahaha. Now read and weep at my relationship with phones, what made me feel romantic today and last but  not least what I’d rather watch on TV (aka what would make me shell out for a TV license to watch TV live)

I honestly don’t use my phone much. Maybe I’m resistant to it or something but I honestly don’t use it to socially text. If there is a matter of business I will start a text conversation but socially, texting is something I’ll never start to enjoy. I think I may not like my phone as it forces  the obligation of texting back when someone texts me, forces me to be more “connected” with everyone than I’d want. Not every text is wanted even socially. there are at times I thought I’d rather not text that person but I’m going to have to now. This is also why I’m on pay as you go and not contract. I barely use my phone and I don’t want to use it any more than I have to. In short I don’t like the obligation of having a phone which is why I don’t upgrade, stay on pay as you go and use it mostly for an alarm. That said I’m hypocrite because I love using the web to communicate, maybe because I can then talk to ALL my friends rather than a few that have my mobile.

If you got this I'll give you credit.

Well now for me talking a little more about love. More so, what weird things spur me to romantic.

I was listening to a Vocaloid song today and generally I won’t look up the lyrics to Japanese or other foreign language songs as I’m just happy with listing to the beat not caring what the lyrics mean but this time I did have a look and really I shouldn’t have.

For whatever reason this PV, thankfully subbed, made me feel like being quite romantic but there was a few problems. One being that I had no one to be romantic to (maybe?) and the other was that the entire song was about a selfish girl and for whatever reason I just liked it despite no one liking a selfish girl, I guess the cuteness of Miku got to me?

Some say they love a girl who can kick thier ass. Source: Pixiv

I’m stuck for words not so I’m going to say a few simple points.

1. I’m not very good at taking a compliment

2. It takes three months for something bad to really affect me in a significant emotional way.

3. I do not like being touched

4. If I am letting you touch me it means I’m either letting you and that means we are close OR you’re intruding and I’m trying not to freak out by keeping still and calm.

I’m tired, night folks.

Raita again.

Dreaming


I’m going to be lazy and use the old stuff I published else where on the internet.

The person I’m describing is from an Anime but I’m not saying the name as I am not only test my descriptive skills but also because the way I dreamt her was quite different to her character in the show. Here I am the same age as her, a young 15 year old, quite a naive period for me. I haven’t a dream about myself at a young age in quite a while and even this one was as recent as the past year I think. Anyway.

 

It was to the best of my memory a normal sunny day. Myself and a girl called ***** were walking in a typical cliche rural English village. ***** was an odd girl and was about my age. Her hair was a silvery white colour coming just down past her ears in a bob. Her clothes consisted of a stark black & white mix that mixed well with her hair. A white shirt, black skirt, black tights, black tie and a small black corset worn over the shirt.

Yeah shes evil, Source : Pixiv

It seemed we were doing simple shopping for a picnic but for some reason this girl was odd, she was acting like some sort of newly wed clinging on to my arm like her life depended on it. Everything seemed normal and as we went to a pet shop to have a nosy around she seemed to take an interest in the exotic bugs section. They all looked like they came from a jungle and not  many looked friendly. She didn’t buy anything and after a while she was looking around the back section of the shop as I chatted with the shop owner.

During my conversation with the male shop keeper he turned away to sort some items on the shelf behind the counter. Whilst he his back was facing me I then felt a sharp jab in the back of my left leg and I fell to my knees instantly as the world around me started to fade into darkness . I awoke on a bus travelling down a country lane, ***** was sat next to me smiling and holding my arm. When enquiring to what happened in the pet shop she didn’t know what I was talking about and acted like it was a big joke being played on her.

I shrugged it off as tiredness and eventually we came to a Stately home deep in the country side. We purchased an entrance ticket each and walked around the detailed and well kept gardens & fountains, each of us looked at the sights and listened to the sounds of nature. The whole time she wouldn’t let go of my arm and for some odd reason I couldn’t push her away or disengage ours arms now woven together. I felt as if rejecting her or pushing her away would harm me. Giving my best fake smile we continued on around the gardens and eventually into the stately home itself.

Source: woodhillbandb.co.uk

All she could go on about was how nice it would be to live there together in luxury and bliss as we walked around the different rooms and corridors taking in more sights and smells. Eventually we came to the cafe on the bottom floor and she finally reluctantly let me go so that we could sit down. Sitting opposite me she eyed me, constantly & innocently smiling at me . I stood up to go to the WC and  to wash my face, I just had to get away from her but as I stood up I froze to the spot. I couldn’t move any of my limbs, only my eyes obeyed me. I looked down at her sitting in the chair across the table. She was smiling at the cup of tea in her hands while humming.

All I could hear before I fell to the floor and blacked out was her repeating the line, ” Slower the clock ticks as it gets old, you’ll be mine forever till your life folds.”

I woke up rigid in bed not being able to move for a good 5 or 10 minutes after this dream. It feels like a memory telling me that I didn’t trust females when I was young and anime was just putting in a place holder of a female.

Whatever next?

Reward Picture:

Just Arty this time, Source : Danbooru

Weekend lengths


This is going to be a short post as Sunday night is the one night I can’t stay up late in as my Mondays are very busy. In fact I may make this the break I have in my daily blog. Who knows.

A little about how I sleep.

I have the worst sleeping pattern for someone who needs to be up early most days. I enjoy the night and thanks to the sugar of everyday junk food I tend to stay awake most days to at least 1am. If I didn’t have to be anywhere in the day I’d sleep until I was forced to get out of bed due muscles aching from lack of use.This was particularly bad in the summer or periods off from university. The sleeping pattern would swap in less than 2 days and the result would be a very unsociable Sam. Which is why I’m either doing short posts or no post on Sunday. I’ll be waking up early on Monday morning and won’t be back to my home till past 10pm more than 12 hours after I left.

For now I’m going to shower you with random pictures with no context. Enjoy.

Edit: This now feels very tumblr like, bad sam…

Artist : Teriyaki

Source : Pixiv Fantasia Series

Source : Internet

Source : Cosplay.com

Source : internetlolololol

Ah what do I know, I think I should stop typing these so late anyway as they seem to run out of steam very quickly. That or I haven’t got a passionate topic to talk about.

That said here is the end and as always, sexy maybe arty picture to end off with.

Artist :raita (or something like that)

Travel, trains and casuals.


This one is going to be a quick one as its not only already very late but I have to be some where early tomorrow.

I’ve been to a lot of places in my life and I was quite surprised to learn that a lot of people I know have never left the country (Or at least not left in it in living memory). I guess I don’t appreciate how lucky I’ve been to be able to travel so much in my 21 years of existence. I have gone to about 1/2 of the continents on the globe but unless I marked out on a map the places I’ve been I can’t be 100% sure. My most recent excursion was (as talked about in a previous post) was the USA, Austin Texas to be more precise. I had a great time despite aforementioned problems and I do want to go again when the weather is more suited to my island tastes.

Artist : Kabayaki Unagi

Anyway in no particular order I have visited these countries, USA, France, Spain, Austria, Turkey, Gambia, Egypt and the Netherlands. I have passed through many and I am only counting those I actually tread a foot in and those are, Luxembourg, Germany, & Canada. I think for a later post I’ll talk about about where in the USA I have visited as after all it is a big place and I’ve been three times.

Source : Danbooru

 

Train are a thing I use a lot and this is just to show people who hate travel by them that they aren’t that bad.

I’ll be honest, before I started university I was scared to death by the thought of train travel. It was only after I had taken the small 20 minute journey (no more than two stations in a straight line) about 15 times that I finally stopped worrying. The fear I was once afraid of was about getting lost on national railway system and ending up somewhere far away from where I wanted or needed to be. It gripped me firmly when ever I went past a station near to my home. Ironically I love steam trains and the thought of riding any train worried me.

Don't panic, I'm sure this is my train. Source : Danbooru

Now that I’ve got a routine and experience I’m not afraid to take on a train to anywhere. In fact I feel quite adept as planning out my route and I have owned several season tickets, Oyster cards and Rail cards. The point I’m making is that some thing you just need to do a lot in small sizable chunks, I’ve gone very well with going from local line to  main line as that changed is scale. I feel this is rattling on so I’m stopping for now. Maybe I’ll edit this is to be more how I want it later.

Source : Danbooru

 

Why can I not play a certain game without being called a casual?

Why is it that I can’t play Call Of Duty without getting an eyeful from some people. I like call of duty but I also like a lot of indie games, obscure games, retro games the works. As I said before I played BF2 for hours on end but because I like this popular title made recently I’m some sort of scrub who “can’t appreciate other titles because I pander to Activsion and Bobby K. This is why we can’t have nice things? Some things are popular for a reason other than marketing but some people can’t see that.

Ah well I’ll mull over this later. Again here is the sexy reward for getting to the end.

Artist : Teriyaki

Self Reflection & Nostalgia 


Self reflection & Nostalgia .

Yet again a little about myself to start us off again and hopefully this time by the end I can do something decent about media rather than throwing it off and doing it half arsed or not at all.

For this part I’m going to talk about what clothes I like. If you already know me you’ll know I have a fondness for the smart/formal even in places were smart isn’t the common or even best choice. Is wasn’t till half way through my first university year that I began to dress like I’m know for. When I first started university I had used my fashion knowledgeable younger brother to help me buy some clothes. Before then I’d just wear whatever, forever, and buy that I mean I was wearing the same shoes till I was forced to buy a new pair as my heels were now touching the ground through a gaping hole. Jeans and a hoodie something I’d now only ever wear on a lazy day entirely at home. we brought a lot of casual smart clothes that were popular and well it was great. Not only did I feel good but I looked good and I can remember talking with people from my lecture on the train home about being metrosexual. I guess I was defined as such because I took care of my appearance, wasn’t as abrasive as some men and I was generally not a stereotypical sports player or something who was unhygienic . I think because I didn’t look like either extreme I was given this title, that and I openly used hand cream.

What some men see hand cream as, Source : Pixiv

I will explain the hand cream because there is a good reason for its use. When I had a job in my gap year I helped take the midnight delivers at a supermarket/ petrol station as well as working the till when its busy and restocking the shelves. I was shifting heavy weights in the form of carriages of food and drink stock constantly wearing big bulking gloves. This after a while stressed the hands. The environment I was working in was a constant air conditioned one and so this made the air very dry and thus it sapped the moisture from my hands making them very dry. Lastly stress of having my first job just made things worse so I learnt to get into the habit of buying hand cream and applying it at regular intervals during my shift. After a year of work it was just natural for me to do this whenever and that’s why I use hand cream, out of a work habit and well frankly some people like soft hands on a man.

If I was a girl with no glasses, I might look like this. Source : Danbooru

Back to clothing, during my second year of university I did shift from smart casual to just plain old smart. I loved looking smart, I thought it impressed people and in most cases it did even deciving some people on to what sort of person I was. By that I mean when I was on an my summer archaeological dig in 2010 I was told by a person that I was quite the good physical  labourer and they were surprised when I told them I grew up looking after pigs and chicken as they had assumed that I was from the city but truth be told I’m a country boy at heart raised and taught in the forest.

 

Guess I come over as one of these types.

Currently I’m a a mix, I’ve dropped the constant smart and gone for one day smart one day lumberjack? Yes I saw the trend of lumberjack jackets and I hopped on the bandwagon as what can I say, I liked it. Though mostly only for the jacket and the occasional shumper (shirt/jumper combo). That said I wear either Skate Shoes for more casual things and Smart Shoes for everything else. It is very odd to see Lumberjack jacket, jeans and then at the bottom very smart shoes, throws you off abit eh?

I like it but I wouldn't wear it. Source : Danbooru

A little about my experiences in the form of Anime Conventions. This again will surprise a few of my freinds. This has been edited from a rant I once had so the language will come off as bitter and harsh, I apologise.

Once upon a time I got invited to a Cosplay group after meeting some cosplayers doing the same series of anime as me. In my first proper group cosplay in the Expo afterwards I had fun even though only two weeks before the Expo I had almost had a bad turn from a suspected heart problem and looked & felt terrible. (It wasn’t my heart so they let me go and I was supposed to be at home resting but I didn’t want to miss the expo.)  I talked to girl who invited me to that group from the last Expo and I got to know her a bit better than what I learnt over MSN & IM’s. All is well, happy and fun despite me feeling horrible.

If I could pull this off I’d be happy, Source : Pixiv

After the Expo we talk online about what next years Expo Cosplay group is going to be, I already have plans for what I want to do so I skip the group this year but she wants me to do a Cosplay couple with her i.e. just two cosplayers for a series, I say that is fine and agree because shes a friend  and even though the guy I would be cosplaying is a far more muscular, attractive person than me aka I don’t look like him. A month goes by and she asks me again to join the Cosplay group. I say yes for the social aspect even though the character I would be doing didn’t look like me, was a duplicate and didn’t wear glasses. This meant I had to get contact lenses which cost £30 a month. I was now giving up both of my own Cosplay days for her but freinds stick with friends right?

 

I wasn't pulling anything off nearly this well. Source : 2ch

3 weeks before Expo she says she’s not doing the Cosplay couple thing so all the clothes I brought and sorted out get put to waste (That is £140 worth of items now all useless) I still go to the Expo, be part of the group even though I’m just a duplicate character and now due to the last minute change without a cosplay I want to do on day 2 of the Expo. On the day it was hot and I didn’t like it at all and later still my contacts were messing up and there wasn’t exactly a place to go take them out. I would of gone with them all for a meal between friends but I went to see an Opera with my girlfriend (I broke up with her a short while after, if I drank a Coca Cola around her,  both her and her friends would look at me as if I had killed a baby, quite perturbing. I’ll explain more about this girl friend at a later date.)

 

I wish it was this cold, I'd of faired better. Source : http://www.thefuckingweather.com/

Run up to the next con I get invited back I say yes right away so to get a Cosplay character that fits my build better but  the girl asks me to a tall, muscular, blonde character with short slicked back hair and blue eyes . (I’m medium sized brown hair, Hazel eyed, only 170cm and scrawny and wears glasses.) It’s basically not me in every way and she says she’ll take me to get my hair bleached. To be honest I don’t want to get my hair sliced and bleached.

Silly! Metroid is a Robot

Compared to the rest of the group who can just put on fakes glasses and all seem to be doing the cosplays that would be ideal for me I have a hard time saying yes. I say maybe/I guess I’ll do some clothing research and ask her for opinions on certain things. She disliked a lot of them on the grounds on “Not accurate enough”. I go check the Cosplay group list to see who else is in the group and I’m not even on the list people don’t know I exist. It was now a month to the next Expo when I finally decided to drop the group. I would of dropped out sooner but damn I liked this girl as a friend outside of cosplay but now for all her terrible past few months I was not liking her, I was too polite for my own good here.

Not my usual approach to things.

Since the Expo is on the new side for the UK its basically just a huge dealers room so Cosplay was the only reason I had to go as I could get the merchandise online much cheaper. With that gone I don’t see the point to go to Expos/Cons. I didn’t learn my lesson and I’ve still done cosplays I’d rather not do but ah well. I’ll learn eventually.

Now for the media bit and I’m covering how I feel about some older games on the Market.

I  love BF2, it was something that I’d play for hours and hours way back when I was in High school. I was still very new to online gaming at that stage so I wasn’t a team player but my memories of it are fond. I honestly have no idea if I were to play now how I’d feel about it, would I still enjoy it as much? Who knows but I’ll talk about what I remember. Being young I was naturally drawn to the sniper class and this being in the days before quick scoping and other such silly terms I played like a true sniper, up high on a cliff miles away from the action. Slowly but surely I got better at judging the bullet travel time that existed in BF2 and I was becoming adept at the long range shot. I remember the shots I took and I felt proud to be able to do them.

I was such a camper by todays standards.

I doubt it would be the same experience today. Now with ultra realism in the one hand and  arcade like styles of play in the other,  I have now a very different play style and this may not translate well on older games. I feel as if I should never go back a play so I don’t spoil the memory of my yesteryears. Much like Fire Emblem on the GBA, I will never play Bf2 again so not to spoil the fun I once had. What will I do when Bf3 comes? I have no idea. For now I’ll play other things and see if I can have just as much fun.

Till then, I’ll see you later. Bye.

Arty Sexy Reward again for getting to the end.