Category Archives: Uncategorized

So I talked, sue me.

So I actually started to write this little entry a couple of days ago but I stopped and decided to rewrite it. Why? Well maybe I was being paranoid about revealing a little too much to the world because to be honest it is a little heavy on what makes me tick. To be straight, I went and saw a counsellor aka not a psychiatrist but someone to talk to about problems (usually anything). This one was a free one at my university hired for students and well I guess they are there for students nervous about exam and university life. I went on suggest of a friend who was seeing one and after some initial hesitation I went. Why did I go? Well to be blunt and short and I don’t like my father and with how things were at home with my mother I thought I should patch up my relationship with him so I could live with him and take some financial pressure off my mother (all previous attempts to patch things up went horribly wrong).

Source: Danbooru under the "Orginal" tag

That was the original intention but really we talked about him quite sparely and instead we talked about me and what my relationship was with the world. Again blunt as possible and not bush beating as the original post had been the first big thing we talked about was me and women. If anyone has read previous blog entries they will know how well I work with them and if you haven’t I’ll say this, me and women don’t mix. Now to put on detail since I was young I’ve been shy. Now this is heavy shyness as I was the type who hid behind mother and wouldn’t come out even to the prospect of delicious candy and sweeties. In first school I was labelled “bookworm” as all I ever did was read in the corner and not talk to anyone, adding to this was when I got athletes foot and I was given the simple label “Athletes foot boy” so not only did avoid them I was scorned by them for having to put a powder on my foot, kids really can be cruel. This shyness even extended to high school and beyond, in register periods and lunch time periods and would have my head in a gaming magazine and my ears plugged by a CD player listening to whatever I found (might have been a nirvana CD?).

Damnt hose bullets look dumb as hell. Source: Danbooru

My shyness hasn’t gone away today as even in the last year of University I never gave out suggestions or ideas in lecture and seminars and instead whispered them to a friend to shout out, worse case of that was afterwards they said “Sam said it” and my face would flush in embarrassment from the attention despite it being a positive attention. Anyway bad experiences with women and this general shyness led to DISREGARD women or at least any positive relationship with them being friend or otherwise. To put a groundwork down I don’t hate women, I can find them attractive but no, I will be less inclined to talk to you if I can help it, no I do not want a goodbye hug and good lord if you show some cleavage I’ll be embarrassed for the both of us. This all leads on to me being a “gentleman” as my mother, loving as she is, raised me to be a gentleman. I will open doors, say please and thank you, let them pass through a door first, be generally thoughtful etc. That’s as far as it goes, If I’m forced to hug it’s like a fake hug where I don’t embrace I sort of pat you on the back with the rest of me far away from the women. Despite this I often averted my eyes when talking and even the counsellor noticed this and told me much to my surprise. This try to be a gentleman thing really got silly at one point where it went as far as this “I was walking home after a lecture and was far behind an attractive girl from my lecture group who was walking back to her car. Being behind her and staring forward I looked at her arse. In those tight jeans I have to say I couldn’t help but ‘admire’ -dat ass-. After I realised I was admiring it I got all SHAME THE SINNER on myself and basically told myself off for admiring an arse. That is pretty fucking weird.

Source: Imgur

I feel like I’m missing some details out and I guess I’ll get to them when I remember them. Uh to bring it up to scratch with general shyness, gentleman tendencies, bad experiences with women and terrible school life has made me dislike women for the most part. It’s been a while since I remember watching a TV seeing attractive female celebrity X on TV and thinking like most men would “Yes I’d hit that”. No I just scoff and change the channel to Dave. I think I mentioned before in the blog but when I was dating I was in SUPER SELF CONSCIOUS mode and it when as far as walking ten minutes away from home before walking back to triple check I looked okay to be out in public. Odd yes but that’s how it was. That was just one thing; the other was an apparent lack of emotion and NO THAT DOES NOT MEAN EMO KIDDY. This means when she asked me how I felt about certain things I could never answer, when I did it wasn’t how I felt it how I thought. Thinking and feeling are two obviously different things but hell if I could tell you how I felt. Often she would ask how I felt and I’d have to be stopped because I was saying what I thought and not felt. It got so bad that she gave me a “Wheel of Emotion” which is like a wheel of colour but you had feeling and emotions in it rather than yellow or red. Even with that wheel at hand I couldn’t pick  a feeling out and I was just sat there staring at the wheel before being told we only had 5 minutes left. Awkward eh?

Source: danbooru/whtever that doujin game of castlevania/touhou was

When talking to her about emotions and love and hate for women we tried to find out what I looked for in women and it boiled down to this. It wasn’t how they looked or personality. It was if they had the same interests, the few people I’ve ever been attracted to have all had quite a similar taste whether that be in interests, hobbies or even what we studied. I got close due to interest and after that simply went with that certain flow just because it seemed the done thing. Pretty darn silly eh?

Now I’ve lost where I was going so I’ll stop for now I guess. This isn’t everything I wanted to talk about so when I get things together again I’ll go in more detail. Perhaps answer questions asked because hey if I’m this open on the web and not IRL then I’ll pretty much answer anything. Heck lets talk a little more.

I think it’s good to read back on the stories I’ve done and the fact I didn’t cringe myself to death means they aren’t half bad. Self reflective yeah but it’s hard to create an Everyman when all you know is yourself and what you want yourself to be. Maybe I’ll do another story be it a extension of something already posted or something new entirely. OH WELL. Time to close up, have a sexy reward for getting to the end again. Later.



Strike Witches 1946 Edtion

Source Danbooru


Marseille & I : Part 2

I’m happy to post part two of my dream turned story.

You can read part 1 here:

This one posed a little more of a challenge as I didn’t have a dream to base it on and so aside from the two girls it is all original content. The one girl as you know is a replacement of a real one and the other is taken from the same popular media but I’m not taking the personalties from the characters just the general appearance and name i.e she has red hair derp. Though truth be told I did pick Marseille as she matched the personality quite similarly so for the previous statement DISREGARD THAT I **** ******  THIS IS NOW A FAN FICTION. Well I picked Shirley as I needed to create a decision of choice and I quite like the way Shirley looks as a tall buxom red head is right up my alley, but yeah thats another life related post in the making so…yeah.

Now for the feature presentation.


Part 2

Oddly she offered to go get the food and asked me what I wanted, I simply told her I wasn’t particularly fussed and any sandwich minus tuna would do. She nodded with a smile and vanished into the café. I did partly think that she was being nice just to make up for the G-Turn shakes I was now suffering from. While she was in the café I was suddenly wrangled by a friend of mine.

“Yo” came a voice from behind me, “Fancy meeting you here.”
This voice belonged to a good friend of mine from my geography lecture group back at university. What gave her away was her distinct accent. It was Shirley an American exchange student who I had known since the start of university as she was doing the same degree as myself. She was a tall buxom red head with a kind smile and a heart of gold, this being balanced by her tendency to be blunt and lacking common sense. She wore typical sunny weather clothes of a red skirt and a white shirt complete with a pair of aviators.

Hanna on the right, one of the main characters I'm using here. Source : Danbooru

She laughed and gave me a friendly little jab to the arm, “I didn’t know you were here, are you on your little lonesome?”

“No I’m here with a friend. I had spare tickets I won in a competition back at the university and I invited her along.”

“Oh? Her? That’s not like you inviting a women out, are you here with anyone else but her?”

“No just me and her. We haven’t been here that long.”

“Well this is interesting. You never invite women out on your own.”

“Oh be quiet I just thought I’d do something nice.”

“Haha, if you say so. In any case it’s good to see you. Since you’ve been doing Archaeology lectures this semester I don’t see you as much.”

“Very true, it’s nice to talk outside of an academic environment.”

“Yet you still talk so proper, relax would you?”

What Shirley looks likeish, Source: Pixiv

We both laughed and started to share more stories and memories when Marseille came back with the sandwiches. “Oh” Marseille said, “Who is this?” I responded quickly without a stutter, “This is Shirley a friend of mine from the geography department. We’ve know each other since the start of university.”

“Oh” she responded as Shirley gave a large grin and a wave as a greeting.

As we ate lunch I and Shirley exchanged tales of University and social lives and we got on very well as we usually did but in hindsight I realised that Marseilla was being left out by us catching up.

“Hey” Shirley said, “Do you remember the day we first met?”

“How Could I forget?” I piped back, “You made me crawl on the ground in front of everyone.”
Marseille’s eyebrow shot up in curiosity.

“Ha ha ha, but it was so funny. Okay so get this Marseilla, we were just finishing a geography society social and I’d been with nervous wreck here all night and we had loads of fun but as we were leaving I went to hug him goodbye and as I go to grab him he dives to the floor with a look of terror on his face. He then crawls away on the floor like a trooper till someone dragged him back to say goodbye. It was hilarious.”

“That will haunt me for the rest of my life. Oh. Are you here on your own?” I asked Shirley

“Yeah I was with a friend but they fell ill at the last minute and our voucher was for today only so I came on my own.”

“Hey why not stick with me and Marseilla? The more the merrier?”

“Really? Thanks this place must be a lot more fun in a group.”

She gave me hug even though I wasn’t very receptive to hugs, I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was still uncomfortable with them. Marseilla however did know this and gave me a very concerned look as if to say ‘But you said you weren’t into hugs, just who is this woman?’ I gave her an apologetic look before suggesting that we move on to the next attraction.

Much better Shirley Source: safebooru/pixiv

As we moved on towards nowhere in particular the air felt cooler as clouds started to move their way over us but none of us took any heed to it as we were all staring down a cork shooting gallery on one of the main pathways. Each of us took up the challenge to win a stuffed teddy bear, each of us confidant in hitting the target only a few metres away.

The outcome was something none of us expected. While Shirley and Marseille had failed to win anything I had now suddenly acquired a small stuffed ferret plushie for my efforts. Each girl looked at me with eyes mixed with surprise, disappointment and desire. To be honest the plushie was adorable and heavenly soft but as a gentleman I sought to give it to a lady but which one was going to be hell. Both were good friends and both obviously wanted it for their own each trying to entice me in their own way. Shirley tried pouting to look adorable saying to me that she’d love to have a plushie like that while Marseille took a more direct approach going with the ‘boys shouldn’t have plushies those are reserved for girls’ ideology and offered to take it off my hands. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t I wasn’t happy with the situation so decided to put it off for now.

“I’ll think about it” was my response to both as I put it in my tiny backpack. Somehow I knew this plushie was going to ruin me.

The two girls were both rather stuck on going to the Gardens next which was odd considering the thrill seeking attitude they both shared. We started to walk over the park to the gardens and when passing a field it started to rain. Both Shirley and Marseilla said at the same time, “This country and its weather I swear-“They both looked at each other and shared a laugh before looking at me for guidance on where to go. I pointed to a close by pagoda where we could take cover but as we entered it so did many of the other parker take on the same idea and forced their way through us separating Marseille from myself and Shirley

Oh man...that thing has one hell of a rack I mean have you ever tried to cock a B.A.R it has a lovely RACK noise that you can't forget. Source: Danbooru

While Marseilla was trapped on the other side of the Pagoda I was forced into a corner with Shirley. She was leant against a column and I had to put a hand above her head to stop myself being forced into her personal space by the other people seeking shelter from the rain. Even though we were uncomfortably close yet she didn’t seem to mind unlike myself. While my eyes were shifting side to side from looking at her to looking away I was obviously feeling awkward. She just stared at me constantly with little more than a small smile that sometimes changed to a sly one. It was quite flustering to myself. What made the situation of my proximity more of a worry to me was what the rain had done to her clothes. Since she had been wearing a white shirt thanks to the warmer weather the shirt had stuck to her formidable figure thanks to the rain giving it a much more noticeable presence. This was topped off by her clearly visible red bra which made me feel incredibly awkward. Though I kept my eyes up to her eye level I around myself not thinking of anything but her figure. What man couldn’t think of it? To have such a profound chest hidden away by that shirt was almost unthinkable and by the time I had noticed what the rain had done to the shirt it was already clinging to her immense cleavage. My heart was beating fast and I could feel my face going red, If I was lucky I could pass it off as the fault of the rain but I didn’t have such luck as more people came into the Pagoda seeking shelter I was forced right against her, my hand not enough to stop me from being forced against her. Our eyes were locked from being only inches away. Upon my chest I felt her bosom being pressed against me sending a tingle down my back. I didn’t know how to react this was far too much body contact than I’d had with another woman in ages and for me it was quite unnerving yet she didn’t bat an eyelid.

“So” she said staring at me “As you English people say, its nice weather isn’t it?”

“The best” I replied with obvious strain in my voice.

She smiled and suddenly put her hands around my back like a hug but it most certainly was not. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything but it didn’t matter as she lead on anyway, “You know I think I might be jealous of your friend Marseilla. I mean we’ve know each other this long but you’ve never once invited me out like you have with her.” I couldn’t help but stutter as her embrace was detrimental to my mental capacity. She pulled me closer still putting her arms under my own and pulling me so close that our heads were side by side. She whispered in my ear “You’re such a nice person yet you put yourself so distant to others but her, you’ve taken a big step forward with her and I’d of liked if you did that with me.” By now my arms were around her back and we were both now hugging each other tightly. I didn’t know what to say, half of me wanted to push her away and the other to hold her tighter. What would Marseilla say? Would she care? Would she look at me with disgust? So many questions went through my head as I started to question what I was to these girls. It was true, I inviting Marseilla out was out of the ordinary and yet I had no idea how I felt about her and how she felt about me. Shirley was making it obvious and I was almost scared by this. I struggled to find words and found myself trying to talk. Shirley again took the initiative, “Shhh don’t say anything, let me enjoy this.”


Well I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I liked tying it. It is clear where I’m going with this and maybe one day I’ll swap the characters and turn it true original work. i.e replace Marseille with the real person I had originally and change Shirley’s name as a buxom red head isn’t exactly a copyright level of character.

As always have a sexy reward for getting to the end.

Artist: Teryaki

Update filler time because I’m pro

Have some good news and bad news.

Good news is that I’m going to be adding more dreams I’ve had to the blog.

Bad news is a lot of personal stuff is making me feel embarrassed about talking about myself (Thank you family…) so it’ll be a while before it talk about the family I have but for making it clear, I love my family (aside from my dad…I’m getting that looked at though)

As for the dream, I have a few I can post but firstly when I get time I’ll be adding to the Marseilles story/dream as its proved popular with a few people. Hopefully I can stay true to the character and make it a further enjoyable tale to read.


I love paper Mario and this theme is just catchy.

For those sorts of mood.

For love ❤


Now have some pictures.

I wish this wasn't true for me. Source: Internet

Yandere, not my taste, Source : Danbooru

Sexy Reward for the end.

I don't care. Source : Danbooru

Self Reflection & Nostalgia 

Self reflection & Nostalgia .

Yet again a little about myself to start us off again and hopefully this time by the end I can do something decent about media rather than throwing it off and doing it half arsed or not at all.

For this part I’m going to talk about what clothes I like. If you already know me you’ll know I have a fondness for the smart/formal even in places were smart isn’t the common or even best choice. Is wasn’t till half way through my first university year that I began to dress like I’m know for. When I first started university I had used my fashion knowledgeable younger brother to help me buy some clothes. Before then I’d just wear whatever, forever, and buy that I mean I was wearing the same shoes till I was forced to buy a new pair as my heels were now touching the ground through a gaping hole. Jeans and a hoodie something I’d now only ever wear on a lazy day entirely at home. we brought a lot of casual smart clothes that were popular and well it was great. Not only did I feel good but I looked good and I can remember talking with people from my lecture on the train home about being metrosexual. I guess I was defined as such because I took care of my appearance, wasn’t as abrasive as some men and I was generally not a stereotypical sports player or something who was unhygienic . I think because I didn’t look like either extreme I was given this title, that and I openly used hand cream.

What some men see hand cream as, Source : Pixiv

I will explain the hand cream because there is a good reason for its use. When I had a job in my gap year I helped take the midnight delivers at a supermarket/ petrol station as well as working the till when its busy and restocking the shelves. I was shifting heavy weights in the form of carriages of food and drink stock constantly wearing big bulking gloves. This after a while stressed the hands. The environment I was working in was a constant air conditioned one and so this made the air very dry and thus it sapped the moisture from my hands making them very dry. Lastly stress of having my first job just made things worse so I learnt to get into the habit of buying hand cream and applying it at regular intervals during my shift. After a year of work it was just natural for me to do this whenever and that’s why I use hand cream, out of a work habit and well frankly some people like soft hands on a man.

If I was a girl with no glasses, I might look like this. Source : Danbooru

Back to clothing, during my second year of university I did shift from smart casual to just plain old smart. I loved looking smart, I thought it impressed people and in most cases it did even deciving some people on to what sort of person I was. By that I mean when I was on an my summer archaeological dig in 2010 I was told by a person that I was quite the good physical  labourer and they were surprised when I told them I grew up looking after pigs and chicken as they had assumed that I was from the city but truth be told I’m a country boy at heart raised and taught in the forest.


Guess I come over as one of these types.

Currently I’m a a mix, I’ve dropped the constant smart and gone for one day smart one day lumberjack? Yes I saw the trend of lumberjack jackets and I hopped on the bandwagon as what can I say, I liked it. Though mostly only for the jacket and the occasional shumper (shirt/jumper combo). That said I wear either Skate Shoes for more casual things and Smart Shoes for everything else. It is very odd to see Lumberjack jacket, jeans and then at the bottom very smart shoes, throws you off abit eh?

I like it but I wouldn't wear it. Source : Danbooru

A little about my experiences in the form of Anime Conventions. This again will surprise a few of my freinds. This has been edited from a rant I once had so the language will come off as bitter and harsh, I apologise.

Once upon a time I got invited to a Cosplay group after meeting some cosplayers doing the same series of anime as me. In my first proper group cosplay in the Expo afterwards I had fun even though only two weeks before the Expo I had almost had a bad turn from a suspected heart problem and looked & felt terrible. (It wasn’t my heart so they let me go and I was supposed to be at home resting but I didn’t want to miss the expo.)  I talked to girl who invited me to that group from the last Expo and I got to know her a bit better than what I learnt over MSN & IM’s. All is well, happy and fun despite me feeling horrible.

If I could pull this off I’d be happy, Source : Pixiv

After the Expo we talk online about what next years Expo Cosplay group is going to be, I already have plans for what I want to do so I skip the group this year but she wants me to do a Cosplay couple with her i.e. just two cosplayers for a series, I say that is fine and agree because shes a friend  and even though the guy I would be cosplaying is a far more muscular, attractive person than me aka I don’t look like him. A month goes by and she asks me again to join the Cosplay group. I say yes for the social aspect even though the character I would be doing didn’t look like me, was a duplicate and didn’t wear glasses. This meant I had to get contact lenses which cost £30 a month. I was now giving up both of my own Cosplay days for her but freinds stick with friends right?


I wasn't pulling anything off nearly this well. Source : 2ch

3 weeks before Expo she says she’s not doing the Cosplay couple thing so all the clothes I brought and sorted out get put to waste (That is £140 worth of items now all useless) I still go to the Expo, be part of the group even though I’m just a duplicate character and now due to the last minute change without a cosplay I want to do on day 2 of the Expo. On the day it was hot and I didn’t like it at all and later still my contacts were messing up and there wasn’t exactly a place to go take them out. I would of gone with them all for a meal between friends but I went to see an Opera with my girlfriend (I broke up with her a short while after, if I drank a Coca Cola around her,  both her and her friends would look at me as if I had killed a baby, quite perturbing. I’ll explain more about this girl friend at a later date.)


I wish it was this cold, I'd of faired better. Source :

Run up to the next con I get invited back I say yes right away so to get a Cosplay character that fits my build better but  the girl asks me to a tall, muscular, blonde character with short slicked back hair and blue eyes . (I’m medium sized brown hair, Hazel eyed, only 170cm and scrawny and wears glasses.) It’s basically not me in every way and she says she’ll take me to get my hair bleached. To be honest I don’t want to get my hair sliced and bleached.

Silly! Metroid is a Robot

Compared to the rest of the group who can just put on fakes glasses and all seem to be doing the cosplays that would be ideal for me I have a hard time saying yes. I say maybe/I guess I’ll do some clothing research and ask her for opinions on certain things. She disliked a lot of them on the grounds on “Not accurate enough”. I go check the Cosplay group list to see who else is in the group and I’m not even on the list people don’t know I exist. It was now a month to the next Expo when I finally decided to drop the group. I would of dropped out sooner but damn I liked this girl as a friend outside of cosplay but now for all her terrible past few months I was not liking her, I was too polite for my own good here.

Not my usual approach to things.

Since the Expo is on the new side for the UK its basically just a huge dealers room so Cosplay was the only reason I had to go as I could get the merchandise online much cheaper. With that gone I don’t see the point to go to Expos/Cons. I didn’t learn my lesson and I’ve still done cosplays I’d rather not do but ah well. I’ll learn eventually.

Now for the media bit and I’m covering how I feel about some older games on the Market.

I  love BF2, it was something that I’d play for hours and hours way back when I was in High school. I was still very new to online gaming at that stage so I wasn’t a team player but my memories of it are fond. I honestly have no idea if I were to play now how I’d feel about it, would I still enjoy it as much? Who knows but I’ll talk about what I remember. Being young I was naturally drawn to the sniper class and this being in the days before quick scoping and other such silly terms I played like a true sniper, up high on a cliff miles away from the action. Slowly but surely I got better at judging the bullet travel time that existed in BF2 and I was becoming adept at the long range shot. I remember the shots I took and I felt proud to be able to do them.

I was such a camper by todays standards.

I doubt it would be the same experience today. Now with ultra realism in the one hand and  arcade like styles of play in the other,  I have now a very different play style and this may not translate well on older games. I feel as if I should never go back a play so I don’t spoil the memory of my yesteryears. Much like Fire Emblem on the GBA, I will never play Bf2 again so not to spoil the fun I once had. What will I do when Bf3 comes? I have no idea. For now I’ll play other things and see if I can have just as much fun.

Till then, I’ll see you later. Bye.

Arty Sexy Reward again for getting to the end.