Since it was meant for venting and just getting out a life story or a silly dream this blog isn’t always going to be active. Between writing my 12,000 dissertation, finishing Uni and now looking for employment I’ve had a lot on my plate but none of it worth writing about so let us consider this a bits an bobs post where I’ll just put out whatever.
Little hidden thing about me is I don’t really enjoy women. I don’t hate them but boy do guys make me feel the fuck uncomfortable and confused. I’m no Alpha male but I’ve got enough self respect to not be called a beta nerd. Any way cut to the chase. There near the end of university I was at an event and at this event well a “women” threw me a curve ball. It’s that sort of curve ball when sure you could hit it but if you do you’re left afterwards going “Wait what?” and realising you don’t understand what’s going on. By this point women were just people not anything for my attentions and this person knew that, they knew it well we had talked about love, life and all sorts’ just moments before the ball came. She should have known I wasn’t going to be interested but heck it didn’t stop her. The ball came and I don’t know if I hit it or not, now despite what I’ve said no one said anything about love, all it was, was a crush but heck no one has ever said that to me before. This person was a friend of a friend, when I told said friend she too was confused as hell by it as well. MORE AWKWARD was at this event her ex fiancé was there who I didn’t know was that till after the event and I was getting on with him as well that must have been awkward for him considering she was talking to me a lot during said event.
Afterwards we spoke on the whole Facebook thing talking about when we should meet up. We met up once but before that let me talk about what she discussed with me. Long story short it was a story about spirituality and lost family members and how a church told her she was special. It did feel very cult like and dodgy/sketchy as fuck. I’m open minded but something sound too good to be true but while I tried to perhaps steer her away from it I don’t think I told her specifically to not do things like that ever because religion iz bad or cap like that but I discussed what I thought and felt but afterwards it was exactly a comfortable conversation for me, thank god it was text only (mostly) so it didn’t show. Anyway, I went to her city spending what little money I had to get bus, trains and food during the day. I met her… and then two more. It was two of my friends also friends her of her. One female kooky friend and one more serious male friend and I’ll admit them being there wasn’t what I was expecting, I was expecting just the two of us seeing if we were going to actually like each other. The male friend presence was confusing as certainly it wasn’t my two friends going to get anything near a relationship so why was he here, I knew he was local but after some discussing when the women folk were gone we decided we might both be there for protection of the ladies from the creepy men folk. Not that we did, there was one guy hitting on the kooky one making her uncomfortable but did we do anything? Fuck no we were bored sat at a pub bench since we both teetotal. We went and saw the “crush persons” friends band for a bit and they weren’t bad but I was bored, male friend was bored, women entertained by flashing lights etc. I swear it was all a test, test to see how complacent I was going to be pub, sitting with the crush person and kooky on the bus while they drank beer, seeing if me and male friend were going to protect them from the creeps and finally test to see if I’d show up and go along with them.
These tests I’m glad I failed as afterwards she talked to me again on facebook saying we should meet up and she would say when we could when she got her work rota. 2 weeks passed, same story again rota etc, another 2 weeks and the same again, I’m waiting for the next time the chat window pops up to ask me again. Worse again is during these week periods she would say how she may fancy someone else or talk about how abusive a former boyfriend was. Women man, fucking women I do not get you. I don’t have one of those 2D waifu’s but FUCK IS IT GETTING TEMPTING TO GO WITH THE 2D FLOW. Anyway if she comes and asks again then I’ll just have to say that what you said the last three times, you won’t tell me when you are free will you? And I guess with that I’ll doubt I’ll talk to her again. Further and further is the idea that I don’t like women solidified. Oh surprise this is actually a lot I’ve written, I’ve got my writing flow back and that’s good I guess because short while after I did the last blog post I got terribly demotivated about my story, I got some critique and people said it was good but one person said it was fine but I should stop writing the way I was and go to traditional third person and this got to me. I tried to keep writing the way I had always done but it didn’t come together. I have dozens of scraps and shorts that could of been great but I never felt the spark of what made them good as they were. It is silly how one comment took me down to the ground but something must of gotten to me. Anyway, thanks for getting to the end and suddenly I’m aware I didn’t post picture sources, my bad I’ll do better next time. As per usual here is the sexy anime pic award for getting to the end.