So I talked, sue me.

So I actually started to write this little entry a couple of days ago but I stopped and decided to rewrite it. Why? Well maybe I was being paranoid about revealing a little too much to the world because to be honest it is a little heavy on what makes me tick. To be straight, I went and saw a counsellor aka not a psychiatrist but someone to talk to about problems (usually anything). This one was a free one at my university hired for students and well I guess they are there for students nervous about exam and university life. I went on suggest of a friend who was seeing one and after some initial hesitation I went. Why did I go? Well to be blunt and short and I don’t like my father and with how things were at home with my mother I thought I should patch up my relationship with him so I could live with him and take some financial pressure off my mother (all previous attempts to patch things up went horribly wrong).

Source: Danbooru under the "Orginal" tag

That was the original intention but really we talked about him quite sparely and instead we talked about me and what my relationship was with the world. Again blunt as possible and not bush beating as the original post had been the first big thing we talked about was me and women. If anyone has read previous blog entries they will know how well I work with them and if you haven’t I’ll say this, me and women don’t mix. Now to put on detail since I was young I’ve been shy. Now this is heavy shyness as I was the type who hid behind mother and wouldn’t come out even to the prospect of delicious candy and sweeties. In first school I was labelled “bookworm” as all I ever did was read in the corner and not talk to anyone, adding to this was when I got athletes foot and I was given the simple label “Athletes foot boy” so not only did avoid them I was scorned by them for having to put a powder on my foot, kids really can be cruel. This shyness even extended to high school and beyond, in register periods and lunch time periods and would have my head in a gaming magazine and my ears plugged by a CD player listening to whatever I found (might have been a nirvana CD?).

Damnt hose bullets look dumb as hell. Source: Danbooru

My shyness hasn’t gone away today as even in the last year of University I never gave out suggestions or ideas in lecture and seminars and instead whispered them to a friend to shout out, worse case of that was afterwards they said “Sam said it” and my face would flush in embarrassment from the attention despite it being a positive attention. Anyway bad experiences with women and this general shyness led to DISREGARD women or at least any positive relationship with them being friend or otherwise. To put a groundwork down I don’t hate women, I can find them attractive but no, I will be less inclined to talk to you if I can help it, no I do not want a goodbye hug and good lord if you show some cleavage I’ll be embarrassed for the both of us. This all leads on to me being a “gentleman” as my mother, loving as she is, raised me to be a gentleman. I will open doors, say please and thank you, let them pass through a door first, be generally thoughtful etc. That’s as far as it goes, If I’m forced to hug it’s like a fake hug where I don’t embrace I sort of pat you on the back with the rest of me far away from the women. Despite this I often averted my eyes when talking and even the counsellor noticed this and told me much to my surprise. This try to be a gentleman thing really got silly at one point where it went as far as this “I was walking home after a lecture and was far behind an attractive girl from my lecture group who was walking back to her car. Being behind her and staring forward I looked at her arse. In those tight jeans I have to say I couldn’t help but ‘admire’ -dat ass-. After I realised I was admiring it I got all SHAME THE SINNER on myself and basically told myself off for admiring an arse. That is pretty fucking weird.

Source: Imgur

I feel like I’m missing some details out and I guess I’ll get to them when I remember them. Uh to bring it up to scratch with general shyness, gentleman tendencies, bad experiences with women and terrible school life has made me dislike women for the most part. It’s been a while since I remember watching a TV seeing attractive female celebrity X on TV and thinking like most men would “Yes I’d hit that”. No I just scoff and change the channel to Dave. I think I mentioned before in the blog but when I was dating I was in SUPER SELF CONSCIOUS mode and it when as far as walking ten minutes away from home before walking back to triple check I looked okay to be out in public. Odd yes but that’s how it was. That was just one thing; the other was an apparent lack of emotion and NO THAT DOES NOT MEAN EMO KIDDY. This means when she asked me how I felt about certain things I could never answer, when I did it wasn’t how I felt it how I thought. Thinking and feeling are two obviously different things but hell if I could tell you how I felt. Often she would ask how I felt and I’d have to be stopped because I was saying what I thought and not felt. It got so bad that she gave me a “Wheel of Emotion” which is like a wheel of colour but you had feeling and emotions in it rather than yellow or red. Even with that wheel at hand I couldn’t pick  a feeling out and I was just sat there staring at the wheel before being told we only had 5 minutes left. Awkward eh?

Source: danbooru/whtever that doujin game of castlevania/touhou was

When talking to her about emotions and love and hate for women we tried to find out what I looked for in women and it boiled down to this. It wasn’t how they looked or personality. It was if they had the same interests, the few people I’ve ever been attracted to have all had quite a similar taste whether that be in interests, hobbies or even what we studied. I got close due to interest and after that simply went with that certain flow just because it seemed the done thing. Pretty darn silly eh?

Now I’ve lost where I was going so I’ll stop for now I guess. This isn’t everything I wanted to talk about so when I get things together again I’ll go in more detail. Perhaps answer questions asked because hey if I’m this open on the web and not IRL then I’ll pretty much answer anything. Heck lets talk a little more.

I think it’s good to read back on the stories I’ve done and the fact I didn’t cringe myself to death means they aren’t half bad. Self reflective yeah but it’s hard to create an Everyman when all you know is yourself and what you want yourself to be. Maybe I’ll do another story be it a extension of something already posted or something new entirely. OH WELL. Time to close up, have a sexy reward for getting to the end again. Later.



Strike Witches 1946 Edtion

Source Danbooru


A comment reminded me I had something to speak up about.

Since it was meant for venting and just getting out a life story or a silly dream this blog isn’t always going to be active. Between writing my 12,000 dissertation, finishing Uni and now looking for employment I’ve had a lot on my plate but none of it worth writing about so let us consider this a bits an bobs post where I’ll just put out whatever.


So yeah I'm replying Dead Space 2 right now.

Little hidden thing about me is I don’t really enjoy women.  I don’t hate them but boy do guys make me feel the fuck uncomfortable and confused. I’m no Alpha male but I’ve got enough self respect to not be called a beta nerd. Any way cut to the chase. There near the end of university I was at an event and at this event well a “women” threw me a curve ball.  It’s that sort of curve ball when sure you could hit it but if you do you’re left afterwards going “Wait what?” and realising you don’t understand what’s going on. By this point women were just people not anything for my attentions and this person knew that, they knew it well we had talked about love, life and all sorts’ just moments before the ball came. She should have known I wasn’t going to be interested but heck it didn’t stop her. The ball came and I don’t know if I hit it or not, now despite what I’ve said no one said anything about love, all it was, was a crush but heck no one has ever said that to me before. This person was a friend of a friend, when I told said friend she too was confused as hell by it as well. MORE AWKWARD was at this event her ex fiancé was there who I didn’t know was that till after the event and I was getting on with him as well that must have been awkward for him considering she was talking to me a lot during said event.

Unlike most people who put pictures of guns in blogs, I've actually shoot guns for a hobby.

Afterwards we spoke on the whole Facebook thing talking about when we should meet up. We met up once but before that let me talk about what she discussed with me. Long story short it was a story about spirituality and lost family members and how a church told her she was special. It did feel very cult like and dodgy/sketchy as fuck. I’m open minded but something sound too good to be true but while I tried to perhaps steer her away from it I don’t think I told her specifically to not do things like that ever because religion iz bad or cap like that but I discussed what I thought and felt but afterwards it was exactly a comfortable conversation for me, thank god it was text only (mostly) so it didn’t show. Anyway, I went to her city spending what little money I had to get bus, trains and food during the day. I met her… and then two more. It was two of my friends also friends her of her. One female kooky friend and one more serious male friend and I’ll admit them being there wasn’t what I was expecting, I was expecting just the two of us seeing if we were going to actually like each other. The male friend presence was confusing as certainly it wasn’t my two friends going to get anything near a relationship so why was he here, I knew he was local but after some discussing when the women folk were gone we decided we might both be there for protection of the ladies from the creepy men folk. Not that we did, there was one guy hitting on the kooky one making her uncomfortable but did we do anything? Fuck no we were bored sat at a pub bench since we both teetotal. We went and saw the “crush persons” friends band for a bit and they weren’t bad but I was bored, male friend was bored, women entertained by flashing lights etc. I swear it was all a test, test to see how complacent I was going to be pub, sitting with the crush person and kooky on the bus while they drank beer, seeing if me and male friend were going to protect them from the creeps and finally test to see if I’d show up and go along with them.

Magical girls are a hell of a lot simpler.

These tests I’m glad I failed as afterwards she talked to me again on facebook saying we should meet up and she would say when we could when she got her work rota. 2 weeks passed, same story again rota etc, another 2 weeks and the same again, I’m waiting for the next time the chat window pops up to ask me again. Worse again is during these week periods she would say how she may fancy someone else or talk about how abusive a former boyfriend was. Women man, fucking women I do not get you. I don’t have one of those 2D waifu’s but FUCK IS IT GETTING TEMPTING TO GO WITH THE 2D FLOW. Anyway if she comes and asks again then I’ll just have to say that what you said the last three times, you won’t tell me when you are free will you? And I guess with that I’ll doubt I’ll talk to her again. Further and further is the idea that I don’t like women solidified.  Oh surprise this is actually a lot I’ve written, I’ve got my writing flow back and that’s good I guess because short while after I did the last blog post I got terribly demotivated about my story, I got some critique and people said it was good but one person said it was fine but I should stop writing the way I was and go to traditional third person and this got to me. I tried to keep writing the way I had always done but it didn’t come together. I have dozens of scraps and shorts that could of been great but I never felt the spark of what made them good as they were.  It is silly how one comment took me down to the ground but something must of gotten to me.  Anyway, thanks for getting to the end and suddenly I’m aware I didn’t post picture sources, my bad I’ll do better next time. As per usual here is the sexy anime pic award for getting to the end.

Work up a sweat and feel good about yourself.



Short Story: Fake Eyes

Well I’m back again with another fan fiction story that I could make original if I just changed a name. I see to be having some sort of shift towards making romance story’s. Guess that’s a weird urge I have right now, must be the pangs of isolation and loneliness. WELP WHATEVER. I wrote this one in just 2 days and I’m happy for it to be this good in just that amount of time but of course me thinking its good is only my opinion on my own work so it means nothing to anyone. I’ll just stick in the music I was listening to at the time to help you get an idea of what was going through my head while writing as well as pictures of said character and of course I’ll have a sexy reward for the end since it super long. heck I’ll make it two.

-Fake Eyes-

“On behalf of the team I’d like to say welcome.”

“You mean I got it?”

“That you did, congratulations.”

“T-thank you sir.”

“No problem, let me introduce you to your co-workers.”

I couldn’t believe it myself but somehow I got a job at my universities financial office for students. Not only was it a confidence booster but it would look great on my CV and I was living in the moment. Right now I was being shown around the office, where I’d work and what my duties were and who I would be working with. While everything was interesting I was shown one thing that stood out compared to all of them and that was a tall beautiful girl going under the name Adolfine Galland, an odd name yes but the way your pronounced it didn’t set the same alarm bells as reading her name would. As far as I was told she was a recent addition to the team only joining a few months before me but she made it look like she had been there all her life. She effortlessly glided between cubicles and shelf’s picking up files, papers and clipboards making it look as easy as walking, heck you could call it a dance with the way she was so graceful at her job. I was pretty much gob smacked from the word go.

A, Galland. Artist: S Humikane

Fast forward a week and I had settled well in to the job, it wasn’t affecting my studies and I had plenty of time to socialise with my friends. However there was one problem, while I was talkative with everyone in the office I was far too nervous to say anything to Miss Galland, yes I did start calling her that. It was odd I sort of gave her a silent treatment, acting very upright and proper talking strictly business. As soon as she was out of ear & eye shot I collapsed wallowing in my own self pity thinking to myself ‘why on earth was I doing that? Act normal dammit’. It was not until about a month working there did I start noticing her acting a little strange. Sometimes I would peek out from over the cubical and catch glimpses of her staring in my direction at my cubical and when noticing I was looking she ducked down behind someone or something. At this point I was still kicking myself for acting the way I did around but now it was like a reflex, why would I act in such away in front of such a beautiful lady.

Now a month and two weeks into the job we at the office decided to go out to a bar after work since it was a bank holiday the next day and we all had the Friday off, long weekend fun for all of us. Everyone one of us was prepared to get plastered, well everyone expect Adolfine that is. Hearing her talk to another senior co-worker she said,

“I can’t have much, my flat is quite a distance away and I’ll need to walk back pretty early.”

The senior shot back, “Hey why not ask the new guy to stay at his flat? It’s just around the corner from the bar and I know he has extra sleeping stuff as he talks about having his friends stay over for drinking nights. You guys are friend right?”

Source: Pixiv

“No we aren’t, every time I talk to him he just talks business no friendly chit chat or anything he is like a rock to me. Unlike you guys he doesn’t relax near me, did I do something to annoy him?”

“I don’t think so, want me to ask if you can stay?”

“No that’s fine I-“

The senior wouldn’t take no for an answer and she moved down the line of workers to where I was, I feigned ignorance and pretended I didn’t hear them. “Hey hey, would you mind letting Adolfine stay at your flat tonight? She doesn’t have a place to stay if she wants to drink.”

Before I could open my mouth she picked the answer I perhaps wasn’t brave enough to say.

“You will! That’s great I’ll go tell her. You know you shouldn’t act so cold to her, I think it’s upsetting her.” With that she dashed off back to Adolfine with ‘my’ answer and frankly I was now a little bit flustered. I overheard them again despite knowing it was rude to do so.

“He said yes”

“He did?!”

“He did indeed, looks like you’re all set. Try to break the ice with him while we’re out, if he has had a bit to drink I’m sure he’ll be relaxed near you.”

“I guess so, might as well start now.” She gave an awkward laugh before moving down the line to walk next to me. “Hey there.”

I gave the reflex answer back, “Hello miss Galland.”

She gave a small forced laughed as if to say ‘He isn’t going to relax at all is he.’ Before trying again. “You don’t have to call me Miss Galland, we are out of the office just call me Adolfine.”

“Alright Miss Adolfine”

She didn’t even try to hide the sigh but carried on anyway. “Thanks for letting me stay around at such short notice, means I can relax a bit better tonight.”

“It is quite alright, we can’t let you miss out on the fun the other would have. It is not fair on you who work’s just as hard as everyone else.” That was perhaps the first time I remember complimenting her if you could call it that. She was taken by surprise at this.

“Oh thanks I didn’t expect that from you of all people to be honest.”

“Credit where credit is due.”

UNRELATED Source: Danbooru/Pixiv (I kid thee not)

She gave herself a slightly impressed smile, I guess I took her off guard. Right now we’d arrived at the first bar; a little placed called ‘Heroes’. The bar was a nice relaxed one with decent music that wasn’t over bearing; you could easily fall asleep when tired if it wasn’t for the conversations of patrons all around you. The first hour went by rather quickly as we drank our various different forms of the same poison.  She had gone for beer where I had gone for a cocktail, when being served together the barman thought the beer was mine and the cocktail hers so we had to swap them around each time we ordered. Eventually we started talking.

“So” she asked initiating the exclusive conversation between us “Where is your flat?”

“Take a left out of here and keep walking up the road till it turns left, don’t follow the road and keep going down the pedestrian path in front of you. Eventually when you hit road again cross it and you’ll be in front of the Andrew Halls, that’s my flat complex, I live in section 5, room 1. On a corner.”

Oddly she wasn’t happy with that answer. “Do you always talk so business like?”

“Yes, yes I do.”

“FAH! I know you don’t. When around everyone else in the office you are talkative and friendly with a damn smile but when I get near you it’s all different, all business, all serious. Why is that!?”

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

“What is the matter? Do you dislike me? If you’ve got a problem just say so!”

“I can hardly dislike someone as beautiful as yourself!”

“Oh he can- Wait did just say that..?”

I had to regain composure and found an excuse to leave her company for others. “If you’ll excuse me” I said “I have to get another drink, I own Linda one.” With that I stood up and headed to the bar leaving her a little shocked and in awe.  I had to regain my own composure before I talked to her again so I decided to sit with the others. Someone piped up, “What’s wrong with Adolfine? Looks like someone dropped a bombshell on her.” I played dumb and kept out of it. I did inquire about her a bit while the conversation was about her. “What is she studying?” I asked innocently.

“Oh she’s doing a masters degree in mechanical engineering.”

I was truly gob smacked at this, “How old is she?”

Sometimes, pouting really gets though to me. Only sometimes...

Another co worker added in, “Ha Ha a lady never tells and you won’t win any women asking questions like that but I will tell you that she is 23 years of age.  Again my disbelief was at maximum and my jaw open giving someone the opportunity to say “Close that trap or a fly will buzz in.” Now I had to take this new information in, she was 3 years my senior but you couldn’t tell by looking at her, her youth and vibrance made her seem my own age but this would explain why she always seemed so mature and learned. I was at dead end in what to do. After coming off all business like and then give her an unexpected compliment after she though I disliked her was one thing but she was doing a master as well? I was out of my depth.

The night dragged on as our pub crawl went on through the night. We moved from bar to bar, pub to pub and eventually the younger members of the office, me and her included, moved on a club. This particular one was called ‘Sign’ and from what I could tell in my own intoxicated haze it was based in a former giant wine cellar is distillery. The music was loud and the bass rattled my frame but I didn’t care I was too busy dancing though the lights, lasers and fog to even think about what was playing so long as the bass line was addictive. Naturally this pace of energy couldn’t be kept up and I retired up the stairs to a quiet area and the sit down bar.

I placed myself at a stool on the far end away from the bar entrance ordering iced water to help me start an early recover to the inevitable headache I’d get in the morning. I’d been there a few minutes before I noticed Adolfine had taken a seat at the other far end. She was looking through her wallet with disgust, it looked like she had spent all her money and now couldn’t afford a drink. It felt right to help her out in this situation and asked the bar keep to give her what I was having, sure not the usual thing to do since it wasn’t wine but it would help her. I paid for the water and decided to vanish out of sight before she realised it was me. I did however underestimate the barman’s efficiency and before I had come to the conclusion of getting the hell out of dodge he had already delivered the drink to her and told her it was from me.

Kind of like this?

See turned to look in my direction but I had already turned my own head the other way in a pointless play of innocence that couldn’t fool anyone. After a while I turned my head slowly to see if she was still looking my way and I cursed under my breath as I noticed she still was. Now we were staring at each other from across the bar both of us a little red in the cheeks from the alcohol circling our veins. She gave a gentle smile and a little wave and I managed to send the same back before looking at my drink again. Suddenly the seat next to me was brought to life as she had moved to sit next to me.

“Hey” she said without a hint of slur in her voice “Thanks for the drink.”

“No problem, just looking out for your health.”

“Oh very like you, I guess I could expect something like this from you.”

“Sorry, should I order a wine or some shots instead?”

She laughed, “Ha ha no this is good, and it’s nearly 3 so it’s about time we went home anyway. The others have started to go home so it’s just us here now. Lets finish up and get back to your flat.”

“My flat? Oh oh yes of course you’re staying over how silly of me.”

“Did you forget?”

“No it’s just after this much to drink you tend to forget certain parcels of thought.”

“Very true spoken like a true student.”

We finished up and made our way back to my flat. We used each other to proper ourselves up as we walked down the quiet city centre road neither of us talking to each other but rather a silent communication of appreciation for the other as a stand to lean on. At the flat we took another glass of water each to drink before retiring to my room. Luckily I had cleaned recently and the room was as presentable as I could have hoped for. I grabbed a blanket off my bed as well a single pillow before laying them out and saying to her, “Gentlemen take the floor” and near collapsing.

She asked me, “Are you alright I’ll happily take-“

I cut her off, “Don’t make this hard because I can’t be arsed to get off the floor now okay?”

She chuckled slightly “Alright goodnight Mr Gentlemen”

“Goodnight Adolfine.”


As I drifted off to sleep I felt between the haze of alcohol and the overwhelming temptation of slumber a small kiss on my cheek. I barely registered it but when I did I knew exactly what it was.

The next day we both roughly woke up at the same time, she arose with a yawn and a stretch while I rose with a groan, the floor was perhaps a bad idea. She enjoyed a bit more of a lie in while I went to grab some water to sooth the slight thump of a headache I had in my head. Before heading back to the bedroom I stopped in the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror and frankly I was in for a surprise. Upon my cheek where I’d felt the kiss I found a rather obvious lip stick mark. I couldn’t wipe it off and save her the embarrassment, I felt like being a little mean.

I walked into the bedroom after knocking the door. She was sat up in bed relaxing and watching the street outside the window. She noticed the lip stick quicker than I expected. “Don’t move.” She demanded of me. I froze on the spot as she clambered out of bed, I was soon greeted to another surprise. She wasn’t wearing any trousers and so it was just her in the shirt she wore the night before and her pants. She attacked my face with a cloth right where the kiss mark was not caring nor I guess realising she wasn’t decent.

“Uh uh…” I stuttered as the cloth went around my cheek.

“Sorry but there is something horrible on your face.”

“No not that, you aren’t d-decent.”

“I’m not what?” She paused and looked down realising what I was talking about and immediately jumped back in to the bed covers.

I straight away made an exit to the bathroom. Apologising profoundly as I went. She called out five minutes later saying it was okay for me to come out. She asked if she could use my shower, I said yes and so had to exit the ensuite bathroom. I went to the communal lounge area to sit down and collect myself. I’d seen and done more than I had ever planned to and I wasn’t sure how to proceed. My thoughts were a mix of, ‘why did she kiss and did it mean something?’ to ‘dear god I’ve seen her in her pants, she’s going to kill me. The door opened and the person on my mind came though. Now showered she was looking rather stunning and that was being rather polite if I wasn’t I’m not sure I could repeat what I’d say in public. On the other hand I was a wreck, a shadow of my former self something the cat had dragged in last night. I walked past her to use the shower myself and oddly she followed me right up to the bedroom.

“Uh I’m going to have a shower?”

“Okay enjoy yourself, I’ll be in here, mind if I use your PC?”

“Uh sure, just use the guest account, it’s not passworded.”

“Thank you, see you in a bit. Enjoy yourself.”

“Uh thanks?”

It was a difficult shower with her being only a wall away from my exposed self and the fact she was asking questions while I was showering. She must have enjoyed the serious mixed with awkwardness answers I gave her. As I clambered out the shower I realised something, I was missing a towel. She had used the one towel I kept next to the shower. The spare was in my chest of draws next to my underwear. I bit my lip and gave a quiet ‘ffffffffuck’ under my breath. I called out to her.

Source: Pixiv (All I can say is damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn)

“Miss Adolfine, could you please go to my chest of draws and open the bottom draw, on the right hand side there will be some towels. Could you come and pass one to me?”

“Sure sure just a second.”

As I heard the moving of draws and the rummaging of clothes I head a small laugh. “You have the scream painting on a pair of boxes?”

“Y-yes! Just pass me my towel and I guess the boxers as well.”

“Alright, alright here you go.”

She passed the towel and boxers though the small gap in the door and I began to dry up and get changed. After getting her to leave the bedroom I got changed and once again I was revived. Finally fresh and clean I invited Adolfine back in the room.

“Want to get some coffee?” I asked

“Sure I’d love some.”

We grabbed our coats and headed to the door. We went to a local coffee shop after hitting an ATM where we each order our preferred caffeine enriched drinks and a bit of breakfast, she offered to buy me breakfast as well which I refused till I couldn’t help but ask for a cheese and ham Panini and in my own defence it as just worth it for sleeping on a floor. We discussed a bit more about ourselves and I learnt quite bit about her. Numerous times we would look at each other and while I would turn my head with a slight blush she wouldn’t and gave a small laugh for my actions. Eventually we had to part ways and I would see her at work again.

At work there was quite the different atmosphere between us. Not only were we talking more regularly but I was being a little less formal and her slightly more forward. She complimented me several times a day and we often had lunch together. I returned those words with little surprise gifts like random cups of coffee when she looked tired or even a little message of encouragement for all her hard work. This lasted a couple of weeks and one day I gave a small flower but she never spoke to me for the rest of the day. I was quiet disheartened as I thought ‘maybe I’ve over stepped a boundary’.

A few days later it was her day off and I was told to take her some newly issued rules and help handbooks. After a little map work from my co workers I set off to find her flat on the campus grounds. I got lost a few times but I didn’t let it get me down, I could after all try to patch things up with her about the flower. I didn’t want to spoil a good friendship so quickly. I knocked on her door and waited.

A voice called out, “Just a sec I’ll be there.”

She answered her door in clothing I’d never seen before, a petit dark blue T-shirt and the oddest black pair of leggings I’d ever seen. They were skin tight put at the sides they had holes as if someone had stolen the pockets; easier enough to fit your hands in. Not that that though had crossed my mind I lied to myself mentally. She was surprised to me, “Oh hey I wasn’t expecting you of all people.”

I gave a small smile, “I’m here to pass on some stuff, and it isn’t work so I’m not running your day. Just some new rules and regulation books.”

“Oh thanks, would you like to come in?”

“Ah well um I guess so I do have the time as I’m finished for the day.”

“Good good come on let’s get you a drink.”

“Ah thanks.”

We sat down in her kitchen, for a university accommodation it was rather glamorous like a studio apartment and I was thoroughly impressed.

“So” I started knowing it was better for me to get it out the way. “I’m sorry about the flower I guess I over stepped a boundary and for that I apologise profoundly. I-” She cut me off,



“That flower, what does it mean?”

“It-it was a gift for a beautiful woman.”

“Do you think being called beautiful is an insult?”

“No madam”

“Well there you go. Ha ha you’re so cute when you aren’t being all proper.”

She grabbed my hand causing me to nearly flinch as my head shot up to look at her directly, “Hey what do I mean to you?” I could hear myself gasping for air, words anything really, I needed to do something. She leant in closer and asked again, “What do I mean to you?” I brought up my other hand and but it on her hand that she was holding me with. I started a slow speech.

“I…you…” I took a deep breath “You are someone who I want to be close to, you are someone I find more beautiful than natures splendour. I don’t exaggerate and you may find this not the most moving of speeches but it comes from my heart. I know you’re a lot older than but…”

I was cut off by her squeezing my hand rather tightly she was leant across the small table and so was as well much to my own surprise. I was red faced in embarrassment and she too was heavily blushing. We were leant in so much that our foreheads were touching and we were way too close to each other for just friends. Now we were grasping at each other’s hands. I was rubbing her fingers with my thumb as a sign of affection hoping that my actions spoke louder than words. She moved her head up so that we were now face to face, point blank.

We kissed. First a small few pecks before drawing away from each other and staring at the face of the one we were opening up to. Our faces were both heavily blushing and we both looked out of breath. My heart was overloaded with energy beating with such force it felt like force its way out of my body. We inched in closer and began to kiss again but soon found out the table between us rather quite in the way so we instinctively moved to a sofa for more intimate distance between us. Somehow I had her sitting on my lap and it wasn’t the romantic position ever, she was actually quite taller than me so even with me looking up and her looking down our lips couldn’t meet and I had a rather splendid view of her chest. We swapper places too much better affect and began again.

Soon after 20 minutes of kissing we broke off, each of us was heavily breathing gasping for air that our embrace didn’t allow. Though it was odd that I was on her lap we didn’t take heed to it and soon we began petting and kissing. Our hands found their way around each other. I placed my hands around her waist and rubbed my hands up and down it in a rhythmic fashion pleasing to the touch. Her own hands were on my hips holding me tightly to the spot. I was in pure bliss.

After what felt like an eternity we stopped and came to our senses. Our prolonged session had meant that now we were aware of our surroundings we both released we were very hungry. Thinking maybe we should tell the world of our newly found love we decided to go out the door hand in hand.

I thought this was going to be heaven.

I was hit by a car the next day.

The End

Well I hope you enjoyed that. No really I do because if you read this much and hatred it I’d be sad. Ah well

2X sexy reward for getting to the end.

Source: Danbooru/Pixiv/Twitter

Some Touhou fans are massive asses. Source: Danbooru

Marseille & I : Part 2

I’m happy to post part two of my dream turned story.

You can read part 1 here:

This one posed a little more of a challenge as I didn’t have a dream to base it on and so aside from the two girls it is all original content. The one girl as you know is a replacement of a real one and the other is taken from the same popular media but I’m not taking the personalties from the characters just the general appearance and name i.e she has red hair derp. Though truth be told I did pick Marseille as she matched the personality quite similarly so for the previous statement DISREGARD THAT I **** ******  THIS IS NOW A FAN FICTION. Well I picked Shirley as I needed to create a decision of choice and I quite like the way Shirley looks as a tall buxom red head is right up my alley, but yeah thats another life related post in the making so…yeah.

Now for the feature presentation.


Part 2

Oddly she offered to go get the food and asked me what I wanted, I simply told her I wasn’t particularly fussed and any sandwich minus tuna would do. She nodded with a smile and vanished into the café. I did partly think that she was being nice just to make up for the G-Turn shakes I was now suffering from. While she was in the café I was suddenly wrangled by a friend of mine.

“Yo” came a voice from behind me, “Fancy meeting you here.”
This voice belonged to a good friend of mine from my geography lecture group back at university. What gave her away was her distinct accent. It was Shirley an American exchange student who I had known since the start of university as she was doing the same degree as myself. She was a tall buxom red head with a kind smile and a heart of gold, this being balanced by her tendency to be blunt and lacking common sense. She wore typical sunny weather clothes of a red skirt and a white shirt complete with a pair of aviators.

Hanna on the right, one of the main characters I'm using here. Source : Danbooru

She laughed and gave me a friendly little jab to the arm, “I didn’t know you were here, are you on your little lonesome?”

“No I’m here with a friend. I had spare tickets I won in a competition back at the university and I invited her along.”

“Oh? Her? That’s not like you inviting a women out, are you here with anyone else but her?”

“No just me and her. We haven’t been here that long.”

“Well this is interesting. You never invite women out on your own.”

“Oh be quiet I just thought I’d do something nice.”

“Haha, if you say so. In any case it’s good to see you. Since you’ve been doing Archaeology lectures this semester I don’t see you as much.”

“Very true, it’s nice to talk outside of an academic environment.”

“Yet you still talk so proper, relax would you?”

What Shirley looks likeish, Source: Pixiv

We both laughed and started to share more stories and memories when Marseille came back with the sandwiches. “Oh” Marseille said, “Who is this?” I responded quickly without a stutter, “This is Shirley a friend of mine from the geography department. We’ve know each other since the start of university.”

“Oh” she responded as Shirley gave a large grin and a wave as a greeting.

As we ate lunch I and Shirley exchanged tales of University and social lives and we got on very well as we usually did but in hindsight I realised that Marseilla was being left out by us catching up.

“Hey” Shirley said, “Do you remember the day we first met?”

“How Could I forget?” I piped back, “You made me crawl on the ground in front of everyone.”
Marseille’s eyebrow shot up in curiosity.

“Ha ha ha, but it was so funny. Okay so get this Marseilla, we were just finishing a geography society social and I’d been with nervous wreck here all night and we had loads of fun but as we were leaving I went to hug him goodbye and as I go to grab him he dives to the floor with a look of terror on his face. He then crawls away on the floor like a trooper till someone dragged him back to say goodbye. It was hilarious.”

“That will haunt me for the rest of my life. Oh. Are you here on your own?” I asked Shirley

“Yeah I was with a friend but they fell ill at the last minute and our voucher was for today only so I came on my own.”

“Hey why not stick with me and Marseilla? The more the merrier?”

“Really? Thanks this place must be a lot more fun in a group.”

She gave me hug even though I wasn’t very receptive to hugs, I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was still uncomfortable with them. Marseilla however did know this and gave me a very concerned look as if to say ‘But you said you weren’t into hugs, just who is this woman?’ I gave her an apologetic look before suggesting that we move on to the next attraction.

Much better Shirley Source: safebooru/pixiv

As we moved on towards nowhere in particular the air felt cooler as clouds started to move their way over us but none of us took any heed to it as we were all staring down a cork shooting gallery on one of the main pathways. Each of us took up the challenge to win a stuffed teddy bear, each of us confidant in hitting the target only a few metres away.

The outcome was something none of us expected. While Shirley and Marseille had failed to win anything I had now suddenly acquired a small stuffed ferret plushie for my efforts. Each girl looked at me with eyes mixed with surprise, disappointment and desire. To be honest the plushie was adorable and heavenly soft but as a gentleman I sought to give it to a lady but which one was going to be hell. Both were good friends and both obviously wanted it for their own each trying to entice me in their own way. Shirley tried pouting to look adorable saying to me that she’d love to have a plushie like that while Marseille took a more direct approach going with the ‘boys shouldn’t have plushies those are reserved for girls’ ideology and offered to take it off my hands. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t I wasn’t happy with the situation so decided to put it off for now.

“I’ll think about it” was my response to both as I put it in my tiny backpack. Somehow I knew this plushie was going to ruin me.

The two girls were both rather stuck on going to the Gardens next which was odd considering the thrill seeking attitude they both shared. We started to walk over the park to the gardens and when passing a field it started to rain. Both Shirley and Marseilla said at the same time, “This country and its weather I swear-“They both looked at each other and shared a laugh before looking at me for guidance on where to go. I pointed to a close by pagoda where we could take cover but as we entered it so did many of the other parker take on the same idea and forced their way through us separating Marseille from myself and Shirley

Oh man...that thing has one hell of a rack I mean have you ever tried to cock a B.A.R it has a lovely RACK noise that you can't forget. Source: Danbooru

While Marseilla was trapped on the other side of the Pagoda I was forced into a corner with Shirley. She was leant against a column and I had to put a hand above her head to stop myself being forced into her personal space by the other people seeking shelter from the rain. Even though we were uncomfortably close yet she didn’t seem to mind unlike myself. While my eyes were shifting side to side from looking at her to looking away I was obviously feeling awkward. She just stared at me constantly with little more than a small smile that sometimes changed to a sly one. It was quite flustering to myself. What made the situation of my proximity more of a worry to me was what the rain had done to her clothes. Since she had been wearing a white shirt thanks to the warmer weather the shirt had stuck to her formidable figure thanks to the rain giving it a much more noticeable presence. This was topped off by her clearly visible red bra which made me feel incredibly awkward. Though I kept my eyes up to her eye level I around myself not thinking of anything but her figure. What man couldn’t think of it? To have such a profound chest hidden away by that shirt was almost unthinkable and by the time I had noticed what the rain had done to the shirt it was already clinging to her immense cleavage. My heart was beating fast and I could feel my face going red, If I was lucky I could pass it off as the fault of the rain but I didn’t have such luck as more people came into the Pagoda seeking shelter I was forced right against her, my hand not enough to stop me from being forced against her. Our eyes were locked from being only inches away. Upon my chest I felt her bosom being pressed against me sending a tingle down my back. I didn’t know how to react this was far too much body contact than I’d had with another woman in ages and for me it was quite unnerving yet she didn’t bat an eyelid.

“So” she said staring at me “As you English people say, its nice weather isn’t it?”

“The best” I replied with obvious strain in my voice.

She smiled and suddenly put her hands around my back like a hug but it most certainly was not. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything but it didn’t matter as she lead on anyway, “You know I think I might be jealous of your friend Marseilla. I mean we’ve know each other this long but you’ve never once invited me out like you have with her.” I couldn’t help but stutter as her embrace was detrimental to my mental capacity. She pulled me closer still putting her arms under my own and pulling me so close that our heads were side by side. She whispered in my ear “You’re such a nice person yet you put yourself so distant to others but her, you’ve taken a big step forward with her and I’d of liked if you did that with me.” By now my arms were around her back and we were both now hugging each other tightly. I didn’t know what to say, half of me wanted to push her away and the other to hold her tighter. What would Marseilla say? Would she care? Would she look at me with disgust? So many questions went through my head as I started to question what I was to these girls. It was true, I inviting Marseilla out was out of the ordinary and yet I had no idea how I felt about her and how she felt about me. Shirley was making it obvious and I was almost scared by this. I struggled to find words and found myself trying to talk. Shirley again took the initiative, “Shhh don’t say anything, let me enjoy this.”


Well I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I liked tying it. It is clear where I’m going with this and maybe one day I’ll swap the characters and turn it true original work. i.e replace Marseille with the real person I had originally and change Shirley’s name as a buxom red head isn’t exactly a copyright level of character.

As always have a sexy reward for getting to the end.

Artist: Teryaki

Update filler time because I’m pro

Have some good news and bad news.

Good news is that I’m going to be adding more dreams I’ve had to the blog.

Bad news is a lot of personal stuff is making me feel embarrassed about talking about myself (Thank you family…) so it’ll be a while before it talk about the family I have but for making it clear, I love my family (aside from my dad…I’m getting that looked at though)

As for the dream, I have a few I can post but firstly when I get time I’ll be adding to the Marseilles story/dream as its proved popular with a few people. Hopefully I can stay true to the character and make it a further enjoyable tale to read.


I love paper Mario and this theme is just catchy.

For those sorts of mood.

For love ❤


Now have some pictures.

I wish this wasn't true for me. Source: Internet

Yandere, not my taste, Source : Danbooru

Sexy Reward for the end.

I don't care. Source : Danbooru

Loved but not in Love

Well I’ll just spill the beans here, give the fullest, as far as I can tell, closure about my first relationship. It is not a pretty story but its a lesson I’ve learnt and honestly I think I’m more distrustful of women because of it. Alight of recent events, its now, right now, the hardest time to open up to people. If I’ve opened up to you personally one on one. It means I’m trusting you alot.

No theme on the pictures today, just what I like.



With out further ado.

Ever had a relationship when you loved someone but you weren’t in love with them? My first one was like that. I fell for a girl in the art department of my university. She was the head of the anime society and despised Naruto, which was what first clicked my interest. (I’m well aware how bad that makes me sound to some of my friends who like Naruto in the Anime society but sorry guys it’s the truth.)  She was a kinda petit (short) girl, kinda chubby, well not slim but not fat, regardless at the time, sexy. She had a nice smile that I remember but I soon learnt better.  Each day during the first year of anime society after getting picked up for home I would ask my sister “How do you know when a girl likes you?” While that may seem a 12 year old question to ask but before this I had taken no interest in relationships, quite frankly my sister was shocked when I first asked her. Eventually it was elections for position on the society executive board. At a last minute gut decision I opted in for vice chair, I won it in a Rock paper scissors comp between me and the other candidate since votes were tied. The first stage was done, I had excuses to get close to her, by being nice and lending her movies we talked more and more face to face and on skype.

Sexy Revolver

Sexy Revolver : Source is the internet

We arranged for the society to go on a trip to bowling and luck would have it no one could make it so we had a day to hang around

She said she was going to the cinema on her own early in the morning, I offered to go with her and she accepted. Meeting her 9am outside the cinema (again after another lift from my mother and step dad, the fact I was taking an interest with a women must of spurred them to go out of their way) we saw Watchmen together. This was going so well for me; the family spurred me on, another testament to how much this surprised them.

After the cinema we walked around the city, along the back streets, trading estates and the canal. We talked about everything and nothing. Eventually I asked THAT question “Do you have a boy friend?” (It could have been, “You’re not doing this with your boy friend?” I can’t remember.)

She said no and I was in with a shot. Since no one could go to bowling that day the two of us just went. We had great fun. She seemed very surprised that I was very strict on escorting her back to her flat but it turned out to be nothing as when she got back she had nothing to do and thus walked with me to the train station where I went home.

I honestly don't remember where I got it.

A short while later she invited me around to watch some movies afterwards, not thinking right I brought a sleeping bag as she said I could stay the night. I wasn’t getting the hints here. While we watched Pans Labyrinth we sat in bed together side by side, we held hands I didn’t understand what this meant and I was obviously flustered. We went to the carnival together later that night, it was supposed to be a group thing but fate said no and it was just us.  We went on a few rides but quickly left as neither of us enjoyed the larger rides and here I will be brutal honest. I almost fainted after a certain ride. It was a while after I had some problems. 8 months before hand I had a little incident in Scotland where I ended up collapsing at a restaurant and only 4 months before this I had collapsed at a train station.  After that one ride which went upside down my weak constitution failed me and I almost fainted again. I played it off as just a little problem and though a bit dizzy we went back to her place.  Some how it felt a little pity like but we eventually kissing happened but not for long. I almost fainted again (Still dizzy from the ride) and I spent a good 20 minutes by a toilet making sure I wasn’t going to be sick. Yeah I know what you’re thinking. Not the best first kiss but hell its more interested than a perfect one.

If there was another "Panel" I'd make me laugh I'm sure. Source : Pixiv

We started going out the next day after I asked the question, “So does this make us boy friend and girl friend?” Oh how wonderfully naïve and innocent I am.

So we were going out, I was as happy as can be. I was in full gentlemen mode, polite as polite can be, generous and full of surprises. At one point during our university holidays I rang her mother and made sure she stayed in so that I could come down to her city Portsmouth (A good distance from Worcester) which was a 4 hours away by car. I showed up at her door at 10am with flowers, chocolates, krispy kreme doughnuts for her family and a smile.

It cost me a fair amount but at the time it was worth it. No matter what we were doing I had to surprise her with something even if it was an impulse buy, like a Haiku book in a bookstore to bit of clothing she couldn’t afford at that moment (A £30 pound sun parasol). Despite my gift showering I refused to let her get me anything I was too stubborn to be given anything. I got on with her parents very well, too well in fact.

Really it does

Makes me smile

I would offer to help clean her parent’s house when I was over and I would talk history with her dad even when she told him not to. On the other side of things she only met my parents once and during that she went very quiet rather than her extrovert self she turned quite the opposite of me around her parent, introvert to extrovert.

If I had to mark a point to where things went downhill. It was when I met her friends from her home for the first time. We had arranged to meet in the capital (London) then go to the Opera. We waited in a coffee shop in the station we were to meet at and then it all came tumbling down. Her friends showed up, first the snappy short girl hand in hand with the second one a tall roundish self proclaimed anarchist.

The problem I had was that they were both drunk to the “need help walking” degree. They were celebrating finishing their A levels which I had done two years ago at age 17 them being 19-20. In each hand they had homemade gooseberry wine. They had done their A levels late for some stick it to the man reason. Now until the opera in 5 hours started I had to escort two drunkards around a busy capital city making sure they didn’t wander in front of a bus.


Oh man dat an arse to remember! Source: Danbooru

Thanks to their intoxication I learnt the sort of people they were. They were art house. These people were the kind of people that would not shop at big brand supermarkets because they were apparently “evil” (I take human geography as part of my degree I know why they are called evil even when they aren’t), they loved modern art and world cinema, they couldn’t enjoy anything main stream because it was, how you say, popular or being made by “the man” When we ate at an oriental cafe while they had ordered their own special natural fruit smoothies I found nothing to my taste and ordered a coke. They look they gave me when I said cola was that as if I had said I had recently murdered a small child than drank his blood.

They gave me a look of disgust and contempt. Already I was shunned by them for drinking a drink, I should have asked for tap water but then again I would be doing something that wasn’t me.

There I was sitting in a cafe being told off by drunken art house hippies for drinking a coke. My possible day of love and joy was destroyed beyond all repair. What sort of first impression were they trying to make? One of free spirit? After the Opera I had to deal with their now soberish questioning. Basically it was a quiz to see how cultured I was, I managed to blag my way through it satisfying their curiosity.



On the train back to her home I was put not to questioning but to arguments, they were people that found the thrill in debating, I was not this sort of person. I dodged question on mass, I found it annoying that I had to support everything I did or liked with a debate it couldn’t be just because I simply enjoyed it. I was thankful to sleep that night but there were problems. My girl friend was an insomniac, she didn’t sleep.

When she did it was for a few hours at most, she would try to keep me awake as long as possible and wake me up early by climbing into bed with me (we slept on two single beds because there wasn’t a double bed) and messing with my chest. Now this is a fault for me, I hate sharing a bed, I can’t seem to be comfortable with another person sleeping in the same bed as me. Odd yeah and I’ll have to get over it eventually but hey ho’

Waking up to someone tuning a radio on my chest isn’t a nice thing for me, it irritated me but I kept it to myself which in hindsight is a mistake.

The trip to oxford made things worse despite how well it went to her. During our trip to oxford we went to all the places she wanted to go to, weird art house shops, trendy independent cafes, modern art museums and galleries. I had to pick a place for us to eat at one point, I chose a Pizza Express (I guess you could call it a decent pizza place as it wasn’t fast food), she said yes to it happily, this was a lie, right after we left from the meal she told me “I don’t like Pizza” Out off all the other places we could have eaten at she doesn’t say about the one she didn’t want to go to. We only did one thing I wanted to do, we went to Oxford gardens and sat at special bench which was in one of my favourite books, the Northern Lights, I took a photo of her on that bench and now I wish I had one of just the bench.

I'm not saying where as I don't think he goes there anymore.

It was after our little oxford and London trip that I hit the wall of questions about everything. Perhaps it was her friends that finally made me realise that I wasn’t enjoying the relationship. I found myself questioning everything that we had done; she wasn’t the same as when I first met her.

She was not this cute, smiling, anime watching girl from my university she was a sarcastic, pretentious art house hipster who looked down on people with a snide look of disgust if they enjoyed anything she didn’t like. I was led on with a fake smile and then led myself on in ignorance and foolishness. They say you’ll like people when you get to know them but this is an obvious difference to that.

Bit by bit I put it all together, the trips, the talks, everything. I had realised I was actually disliked this person this women that I once had my heart set out for. If anything she had become this person as soon as she left university grounds as if only the academic surroundings stopped her from being her true self. It was a week after her birthday when I said I wanted to split up. I’m not proud of that.

For her birthday I said I would write her a romance novel, I had said this before I had these doubts so she knew for a month that I was writing this. To be more exact the day I split up from her was the day after father’s day, we had gone on a trip to the zoo with her dad on that day and all was fine in her eyes. No one expected me to break up with her.

Made by me and just look at the picture to get source.

In the eyes of the world we were the most stable happy couple ever. It was heart wrenching for us both, for her she was losing a lover and for me it was guilt, the guilt of doing this to a person was almost unbearable. We both cried, she wanted to make it work but alas I wouldn’t have it. To make it easier on her I did not say that it was because “I never truly loved you” but instead that it was me,

I become a villain and I did the worst thing and said the “It’s not you it’s me” this was a lie, of course it was her in my eyes she was something I hated but being the nice guy I had to make myself the villain by some weird compulsion. I do believe this was the best option but in hindsight there is always a better way. I left her with fake closure and I guess she’ll never realise that I never truly liked her for who she was.

At the time of our split I was half way through staying with her during the summer holidays, lucky for me that I had an aunt and uncle living in the same city. I stayed with them for a few days before heading home. I was a broken man racked with guilt of causing so much pain so unexpectedly. No one saw this coming aside me and no one knows the truth aside me but hey now its out.

Too lazy to do this properly

Oddly enough I kept on doing the novel as if driven by some feeling that it would redeem me. As we saw each other in society back at university I would give her small updates on how I was doing when I could be brave enough to approach her. I even got as far as having someone look at it for publishing when I was half done but when I told her this she just said “I don’t care what you are doing”

I just stopped, I have a half written steam punk romance novel on my computer worthy of a publisher’s attention but it will never see the light of day again. It’s just a memory of raw emotion that I had way back in times that feel like eons ago. I have since deleted it. It was too painful to look at.

She stopped going to society when I took the position of chairman, there was no reason for her not to come and in a bit of two facedness she said to me when we split up “You better keep coming to society or else” which I did, and she does not?


So I see her no more, the only things I hear of her are from the art based students in society who tell me she is now going out with someone just as pretentious as her, a roundish Scottish man 5 years her senior who himself loves art house. A perfect match maybe?

As for me well I still keep the truth to myself, people praise me for ending it on the basis that I did it because well I wasn’t ready for it.

Whatever relationship I have next I do hope that I am not a fool again.

I am well aware that what I say is and will always be bias. No matter what I say it’ll be bias so you can feel better knowing that I am well aware that she can tell a different story. Whatever goes.


Well done on getting to the end. As always here is your sexy reward for reading so much (Or skipping so  much)


Feels Meh man

I’m not even going to give the time of day to the reason why I haven’t updated in a while. Simple, life overrides blog. Anyway today I’m goign over how I get mad sad or whatever.

The thing, the annoying little petit part of me, the child in me always does this when I get mad. When I get mad at someone I ignore them. TO THE MAX.

When I get annoyed I won’t block a person, for some reason I won’t do that but heck no matter how many messages get sent my way by any form be it IRC, Steam, Skype or MSN. I get the feeling that it really irks some people is because they never know why I started ignoring them. For reasons unknown to them I’ll be ignoring them

Well I can’t seem to be happy with what I’ve wrote so maybe I’ll use an example. 3 months after a little situation that upset occurred I did something childish and started to ignore someone. Now with it being 3 months after said event the person I was ignoring become confused greatly and started to ask me why I was doing this but I just flat out ignored them, I never blocked them just ignored them. So after the next so many weeks whenever I logged in to a instant messenger service I got a one sided conversation to read and it lasted so long that another freind got involved asking me why and I ignored them  as well.

Eventually I did just come up and apologise but they didn’t talk to me afterwards. What goes around comes I round I guess. OF course now I’m reluctant to say sorry at all  just in case that the same getting ignored back situation arises.

I can’t seem to get my words out here so I’ll end it now. Later.

I don't care?